WILD BITCH SEASON 2 (English draft): Killing me softly

Meeting Nelly was quite a different thing.

Basically, the summer of 1999 when I dated and broke up with Veronica, sucked big ass. Towards the end of our relationship (i.e. a few days before September 1st) I had plummeted into a terrible depression – with a girlfriend with whom tings didn’t work, with a fungus infection all over my nuts, no cash, no job, a dumb major at SU (business administration – from all the “linguistics” majors, this is what they admitted me for eventually...), with a single hot room, to spread out my living space, no car (I assumed possession of the Blue Bird only after the trip to the coast)... Not a single substantial thing, actually.

Wild Bitch Season
by Rogger Dojh

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       ,-~~-.___.
      / |  '     \
     (  )         0          It was a dark and stormy night...
      \_/-, ,----'
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        /  \-'~;    /~~~(O)
       /  __/~|   /       |
     =(  _____| (_________|

PART II
Killing Me Softly (translation working draft)

Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, as well as to real events and localities, is purely coincidental and unintended. OMG! Is it possible for something like that to be happening in the real world?!?

Intro. One year earlier.

Session Start: Sun Jul 19 17:15:57 1998

<Rogger Dojh> haya :)

<Nelly> hi

<Rogger Dojh> a/s/l?

<Nelly> 18/f/turnovo

<Nelly> you?

<Rogger Dojh> 22/m/sf :) (* sf == Sofia, the main city of Bulgaria)

<Nelly> working/studying?

<Rogger Dojh> i’m so damn bored, fucking hell

<Rogger Dojh> oh, i jus’ applied for university

<Nelly> what d’you apply for?

<Rogger Dojh> linguistics in su (* SU == Sofia University)

<Rogger Dojh> with german

<Nelly> ic

<Nelly> so, are you gonna get in?

<Rogger Dojh> god only knows

<Rogger Dojh> if not, i’ll be on the march in the fall

<Nelly> army service?

<Rogger Dojh> same

<Nelly> oh, that sucks :-(

<Rogger Dojh> i don’t give a fuck, really

<Rogger Dojh> i’m sick of sitting at home

<Rogger Dojh> well, when – if – i go there, i’ll probably change my mind …

<Nelly> well, at least you’re chatting

<Nelly> there’s none of that in the army

<Rogger Dojh> yep

<Nelly> yeah

<Rogger Dojh> what sign are you?

<Nelly> scorpio

<Nelly> you?

<Rogger Dojh> i’m aries

1.

Meeting Nelly was quite a different thing.

Basically, the summer of 1999 when I dated and broke up with Veronica, sucked big ass. Towards the end of our relationship (i.e. a few days before September 1st) I had plummeted into a terrible depression – with a girlfriend with whom tings didn’t work, with a fungus infection all over my nuts, no cash, no job, a dumb major at SU (business administration – from all the “linguistics” majors, this is what they admitted me for eventually…), with a single hot room, to spread out my living space, no car (I assumed possession of the Blue Bird only after the trip to the coast)… Not a single substantial thing, actually.

Emotionally, I was completely and utterly capot.

Some time around August my dad offered me to go to the coast, without having to pay for accommodation – we have some close friends in Primorsko, who always have a room available for me and my family. But since I had nobody to go with, I didn’t feel like going anywhere. The lack of any urge for activity was keeping me home and my social contacts were brought down to zero. IRC wasn’t helping to improve my inner emotional climate either and in any respect I needed some social-shock therapy.

Two days before September 1st, I decided that I’m still going to the coast. That was one of those fortunate glimpses that have always dragged me out of the swamp and brought me back to life. At least throughout puberty and post-puberty. Later I became more desensitized I guess and didn’t get depressed as much.

An especially strong motive to live Sofia was the “Calculus I” make-up, expecting me around September 1st, blooming with joyful virtual smiles like a monkey’s ass. The choice was between going to the coast and taking for the exam. My dad managed to get me to sit down and study, really.

15 days. My spiritual rebirth. I went to Primorsko all by myself, found people to hang out with, discovered chalga (* Bulgarian redneck country-side music), baked my butt at the beach and came back eager for life, eyes shining with energy. True, got no girlfriend while at the coast, but still trying to be in love with Veronica and suffering from inadequate sentimentalities, I wasn’t pushing myself too hard.

Then the semester started and Nelly called me.

2.

Venue: My office and Nelly’s place. (We had rented an apartment – Nelly, her sister and me. The central office of my company “studio e-design” was situated in the living room, and they were sleeping in the only other room).

Location: On the big wide bed in the corner of the office.

“Dojh, I should tell you something. But after that you’d want to break up with me.”

“I don’t think so. Shoot.”

“Well, we can’t sleep together.”

Dojh asks wisely:

“Why?”

“I can’t tell you. Don’t make me tell you. We just can’t sleep together.”

A short, heartbreaking pause.

“Like, never?”

“Yes. You probably don’t want to be with me anymore?”

Nelly is observing my reaction attentively, ready to pout at the first opportunity. My reaction is undetermined. Indeed, I expected anything, but this…

“Well, I don’t think this will change anything,” I say eventually. Do I think so? No. I’m thinking there’s something fishy about this. But what? AIDS? Pretenses? Some other STD? She’s pregnant? Cancer?

“Why, what’s the problem?” I inquire.

“I don’t wanna talk about. Forget it. I though you said it doesn’t change anything?”

“In any case I need to know why. Are you pregnant, or something?”

“Who, me?” Nelly bursts in overdone laughter. “No, I’m not.”

“Hmm.”

We’re lying in complete silence on the wide bed – carelessly. The building is away from the main streets and from the traffic noise. The room is quite cozy – white walls and floor tiles, few pieces of furniture (chairs, table, bed and desks for the computers), three PCs. Several computers in the same place have always given me a sense of comfort.

“Ok then, tell me what’s wrong? I just can’t imagine a reason. Unless the reason is him.”

(Him in the context of the above conversation is the Dick, Nelly’s ex (and seemingly present) boyfriend; she’s supposedly hooking up with me, but little Dick is also hanging around…)

“No no. No… I already said, I can’t tell you.”

The weather outside is shitty – cold and grey – the nasty snowless Sofia winter. That’s why the office room offers even more tangible sense of comfort, leaving the disgustness isolated outside.

“OK, don’t tell me if you don’t want to. But I think you’re just playing dumb here.”

“Am not!” Nelly rolls her eyes. “That’s just not something I feel like talking.”

“But if you have a problem we can try to deal with it together.”

“It’s not a problem that can be solved.”

“There ain’t such problems. Everything can be fixed, as long as you want it to.” Here I babble total nonsense and am completely aware of it. But sometimes I get overexcited, when I’m preaching.

“You’re talking just like Christo.”

“Who’s Christo?”

“I was telling you about him. He’s an Aries too, like you.”

“Great. Some guy to compare me with.”

“I’m not comparing anybody. But you’re talking just like him.”

“Ok then. Tell me now.” Here I unconsciously exploit the golden rule, that if you want a woman to do something for you, you can just let her insult you somehow. After that she will certainly feel guilty and will be ready to make her amends. She will even enjoy that. Actually at that very moment she will be positively happy since: a) she has behaved badly (yes, that makes the weasels happy); b) there is a chance she will feel uplifted from the redemption; and c) finally she will have a motive to do something that she wanted, but didn’t have the guts to do till now.

Silence.

- My first time was awful. Abominable. Since then I can’t sleep with anybody.

My brain is clicking. Images are being projected on the inner side of my forehead – a box of condoms under Nelly’s bed; Nelly is hanging on Dick’s neck.

“Even with Dick? You haven’t had sex?”

“Nope.”

“And what about those condoms under the bed?”

No answer. Obviously she doesn’t know what to say. It’s really dumb to be so directly caught in a lie.

“Well, Ok,” she says in the end. “But we haven’t slept together. We just tried to. And nothing turned out. Dick’s thing is too large.”

“It’s really huge,” she adds, seeing the expression of unconditional trust on my face.

“Well, how can you be so sure than it’s not gonna work with us?”

Nelly keeps quiet. In a bit I continue, in order to break the awkward pause.

“My first time was also awful. It could not have been so bad for you.”

“Why, what was your first time like? No way it was worse than mine.”

“Well, I was dating this chick,” I start off, “who had had her cherry popped at 13. At that time she was already 15. She looked older though, except that her tits were small. We met in a totally freaky way: Mum was supposed to call a friend – Patzaka (the same cowardly, flimsy camel from the Cancerine party) who was hooked to a very sucky phone service provider. They had mixed phone calls before too. And while he was calling, he interfered with the phone conversation of two unidentified chicks. He started messing with them, eventually he asked one of them, Siya, for her number. She refused to give it and hung up. The connection with the other chick was still up, though, and she gave him Siya’s number. Mum called Siya and they set up a date.

“On the date Mum was supposed to carry a walkman as a mark. He sat there and waited, with the walkman on. At some point a girl showed up and asked: “Are you Mum?” He looked at her, and since he couldn’t decide whether he liked her from that first moment, answered: “No, I’m not”. So Siya, being a nice and naive girl, confusedly turned around and started off. Mum jumped after her and said “Alright, It’s me. Hi.”

“In any case, Mum decided that it’s about time to introduce me to Siya’s two girlfriends. He took us to the ‘Yellow House’, where we sat, drank and chatted, and suddenly all three of them hopped up and went to the bathroom. Mum asked: ‘Which one do you like more?’ I, like a total ass, replied that I like the more talkative and noticeable one, which was a mistake. But I was a dumbass back then.

“Why was it a mistake?” Nelly asks.

“Well, the other one was quite petite and didn’t make much of an impression at first glance. But afterwards it turned out that she was way cooler. Even Mum was surprised at me then, but he didn’t say anything. So, when the three girls came back, Siya whispered something to Mum, then to Dessy; and suddenly I had a girlfriend. I’d never imagined that something like that could happen to me in real life.”

“Incredible.” Nelly chisels in sarcastically. She doesn’t like all these stories about other women. But I am dead set on getting payback for all the crap she has already told me about Christo and Dick.

Dessy and I slept together about two weeks later. It happened at a friend of hers. Everything was a set up, the purpose of the visit was known beforehand (actually, I didn’t know, but the three chicks I was with did) . Besides Dessy, there was the petite Cancerine (who I didn’t choose and made a mistake) and another one, whose apartment we were at. We had spaghetti, chatted a little bit while eating, suddenly Dessy в изблик на муза обясни, че спагетите са червеи в мензис, and shortly after that she straight out dragged me to the bedroom, and we started fucking.

“Only I was still a virgin and didn’t know exactly what I was supposed to do in that bedroom. All the more that Dessy wasn’t a pretty sight with her clothes off. It was just like in a porn film. She sat on me and started rocking back and forth, and it felt kinda gross. And outside the door, her girlfriends were peeking in but only saw a female leg dangling in the air. Little Dojh drooped from the whole thing and refused to get up again. I was really grossed out. As a result, I didn’t touch a woman for the next two years or so.”

“Good for you.”

“What, you’d be grossed out too if shit like that happened to you.”

“That’s nothing. My first time was really awful.”

I find that hard to imagine.”

“Ok, look.” Nelly’s tone passed into the storytelling specter, so I prepared to finally hear the reason why I couldn’t fuck her.

So she told me about how at some glorious moment Christo – her first and true love – rented a hotel room in Pleven, where he was from or where he studied, and for the first time committed sexual intercourse with her. Till then they had been in bed together only once, at her sister’s place in Studentski Grad in Sofia, where Christo showed her the power of oral love. In short, he exhibited virgin-pussy eater skills. Oh, how cool it was; she had never experienced that kind of pleasure ever before. First he read “Master and Margarita” to her, they just lying beside one another, then he started kissing and undressing her, and he was gradually moving south… Here Nelly gets too excited over the memory. She’s seeing slobbering tongues, I guess. Bleh.

Later on they didn’t see each other much, maybe once every two weeks, because they lived in different cities. Sometimes Christo went to see her in Turnovo, sometimes she went to Pleven.

That same night in the hotel room Christo suddenly decided that he’s finally gonna fuck the girl. He grabbed her and started screwing her. But Nelly, with her hyper-sensitive nervous system, couldn’t loosen up, maybe she wasn’t moist enough or something… And she was tight, that’s a fact… So while they where fucking, she felt a blinding pain and was going to pass out (and maybe she did, who knows), so she started crying, until it finally got into Christo’s thick cranium that he should discontinue the act.

1 hour passed.

Then Christo decided to give it another try.

Blood started gushing out. The girl was bleeding like a slaughtered pig and Christo freaked out, called the local Pirogov (* The emergency First Aid Service), threw Nelly into the hands of the carnivorous gynecologic hyenas and disappeared. Scared.

They’re pushing Nelly on a stretcher, the entire hospital staff around her (at 2 AM in a small town there’s nothing to do and one patient is like a God’s gift in the battle against boredom).

“In labor?” someone asks, filled with hope.

“No,” answers Nelly faintly.

“All right then, what’s wrong with you?”

Nelly, with her incredibly puritan understanding of the topic of sexuality, probably passed out again at that question. (Joke aside, it’s actually pretty embarrassing… What if mom and dad find out? Gosh…) Finally, she managed to explain to the amused nurses what exactly happened.

“We’ll stitch you up, don’t you worry. We’ll make you as good as new.”

Ho-ho-ho.

It turned out that the girl had suffered certain lacerations. They patched her up and let her go. That was the ending to her defloration.

And, logically, following the shock from what happened, she couldn’t sleep with a guy again.

At least that’s what I thought. She thought the problem was the damage to the vagina. I really wasn’t sure about my deductions, but the condoms underneath her bed led me to believe that her frigidity was curable and all it would take was some more passion and romance to turn her on and make her forget all about defloration and stuff.

From that moment on I started working on it.

3.

Nelly had two close friends – Milena and Camellia. Each one had a certain role in the soap opera that I was a part of, so here’s some short info.

3.1. Milena

Scorpio. Unlike Nelly she was a good-natured girl. She wasn’t that pretty but she won people over just with her personality. And, it’s important to note that she had lost her virginity precisely on one of the upper floors of 6 Samuil St. (Oh, what that 6 Samuil St. had witnessed…) Her first and at the time only boyfriend lived in USA and she really didn’t want to admit that he was too far away and that she should look for someone handy. I got on with her more or less, but she was first and foremost Nelly’s friend and during the soapy events she was on her side.

3.2. Camellia

Aries. She was slightly prettier than Milena, but she had a flabby ass. Actually, her ass had been famous for another quality – at the time she was the only girl I knew who practiced anal sex. As she had once explained to Nelly: “Well, it did hurt in the beginning, but then I got used to it.” She and her freak of a boyfriend had all kinds of such performances. He had her go and pee standing up together with him, or when she had her period they fucked in the bathroom so they don’t mess up the sheets. The last two seemed to me like total insanity.

Camellia didn’t like me much, but because of Nelly she put up with me. In that respect the feeling was mutual.

3.3. Dick

He can’t really be described as onе of Nelly’s girlfriends, but having in mind his striking resemblance to a female reproductive organ, we can still add him to this chapter. He was a loser with a disgusting thin moustache, posture of an upright piece of cheese and a slimily faltering smile on his face. He was constantly stepping on his overly long pant legs and was trailing like snot. I met him when I went to see Nelly and Vanya’s place for the first time – the plan was that me and The One We Never Talk About (* Person Zero. No other details needed. Another useless character. Best to just forget about him.) would set up the office of studio e-design in there.

It was a mid-winter day, right at the beginning of our acquaintance with Nelly. We got together a bit later – currently it was like me displaying certain curiosity to a strange good-looking girl, but I wasn’t trying to hit on her, nor seriously planned to.

So, The One and I are sitting in the living-room of the apartment some time in the evening, and Nelly and her sister are hanging around. There is another face in the room, but it’s somehow unnoticeable – flapped on the bed in the corner smirking like a moron. Doesn’t speak, doesn’t even make a sound. After a short reflection, I assumed that this is Vanya’s brother/cousin/boyfriend or something.

Nelly is hopping around playfully, teases me, talks gibberish and generally hangs mostly around me; I noticed that and was flattered. I asked her once or twice who that guy was, but didn’t get a straight answer. ”Just someone I know. Doesn’t matter. Let’s see now, how this lace will look on you if I clip it to your collar.”

But The One We Never Talk About, deprived of every bit of tact, goes on ticking: “Who’s that guy, what is he, who is he, what is he…” Finally Nelly had had enough and said: “My boyfriend.” After that it wasn’t so interesting anymore and we soon got up to leave.

And Dick, smeared like cum on wet sand, craning his scrawny neck, was watching.

4.

Two weeks passed before The One We Never Talk About and I moved the equipment to the new office. During that time something was already cooking between me and Nelly.

Supposedly it was nothing, but we talked on the phone every morning, we spent our free time together, and I felt some semi-teasing, semi-serious tones creeping into our IRC chats. We went to the movies once (just before we hooked up actually) where I tried to hug her over the shoulders but she startled. I immediately retracted my limbs close to my body. (* “Close your eyes, fold your arms“… note: Prick the Goat (* a goat-like Muppet on an infant TV show that sings an infantile song.)). Another notable day was the one when she fed me tangerines – I was lying on her bed, she was sitting at the computer right next to me, and while we were chatting lazily, she was browsing the net and peeling tangerines, which I then ate. By then I had gone out of my mind completely; when I stood up to leave I actually wanted to go to the girl, who had her back turned to me and to the room, and slide my hands down her shoulders. I didn’t have the guts to do that so I just went away.

Everything started when I served her breakfast in bed. That happened a little bit before our final move in. The One We Never Talk About and I had gone to Nelly’s place the night before. We were parting in the hallway, making arrangements for the next day, carelessly laughing at senseless jokes. Silly talk was flowing uncontrollably. In a spur of frivolous originality Nelly declared:

“And tomorrow morning I want breakfast in bed!”

“No problem!” I said happily. “I’ll be here at 7:30”.

Nelly was laughing. She thought I was screwing with her. I laughed too, cuz I knew that in spite of what anybody thought there wasn’t any screwing. I also knew that the next morning I would have to get up at 6 am to go shopping for groceries.

Morning roosters on radio Viva with the morning radio joker Goro-The-Get-Up-And-Hurry; a leap in the Blue Bird, full throttle to the market at 43rd in Mladost – bought currant juice, a mix of nuts, 10 sorts of fruit and a red rose. That was for dessert (if the girl turned out to be herbivorous).

Somewhere around 7 am I rang the doorbell and Vanya, Nelly’s sister, opened the door.

When a man is stupid and doesn’t know shit about life, he does things, which destiny throws back in his face. That’s what happened – I didn’t offer Vanya any of the goods from the breakfast. As a result she came to hate me. Forever.

The breakfast smelled divine, a fresh aroma was wafting from the coffee; the tray was piled with colorful and bright things, and my teeth were clenching the red rose.

Nelly was sleeping.

“Mornin’,” I said through the rose petals. “Room service! Breakfast in bed!”

Nelly turned on her back and opened her eyes. Her face went through a wild period of mixed expressions, every single one a successor to shock and amazement except for surprise plus bedazzlement. Here eyes were blinking and the words refused to come out of her mouth.

She was acting strange, because she was probably not expecting breakfast at all. All the more a breakfast with a rose.

“Mornin’,” I repeated. “I hope you’ll like the food. I got mainly fruit and nuts, cuz I wasn’t sure what you eat for breakfast.”

“Oh, thanks,” she muttered finally. “I didn’t expect this at all…You shouldn’t have! And anyway, I can’t eat all of this by myself…”

“Well, I hope you’ll enjoy it.”

“Sure I will, a lot!” she asserted.

“I still can’t believe it!” she added a second later.

The morning we spent together was just lovely – we were both in a great mood, each of us highly intrigued by the other, and Nelly’s duckling yellow pajamas were stimulating the pleasure centers in my brain on a primary level. The rose also received a satisfactory amount of interest, which did not go unnoticed neither by me, nor by Vanya. She immediately jumped on me with spiteful remarks, starting off by calling me a giraffe. The weasel was just beginning with her vendetta; consequently she would become my enemy № 2 on the premises.

That particular event created quite a romantic and dramatic polarity – I got under Nelly’s skin and also got on her neglected sister’s nerves.

Later on that morning I drove Nelly to the university she was studying at, and then went home.

5.

Nelly and I hooked up shortly after my PC got its new desk. We still hadn’t slept together, but we loved to just kiss or hold hands or to even only sit in the same room, each of us minding their business.

In the beginning everything was carefree and peaceful. But after the excitingly dramatic, full of deflorational revelations, I-can’t-sleep-with-you conversation on the bed at my office, certain mysticism shrouded our budding relationship. The motif of the forbidden fruit added a particular thrill to every kiss and every touch. Dick, on the other hand, was contributing to the overall tension with his unpredictable arrivals and departures. Subjected to such competition, I got so jealous that I tried to constantly stay close to Nelly. This mostly applied when she went home to her folks in Veliko Turnovo.

6 Samuil St. is an address in that very town.

6 Samuil St. is where I stayed when I visited Nelly in Turnovo for the first time. Some grumpy old lady was renting it out at a reasonable price. She insisted that we take our shoes off when we go into the rooms and gave us some knitted wool socks to wear.

Basically, the whole idea about me going to Turnovo popped up during a heartbreaking IRC chat that took place the previous night. Mum and Milady and some other friends had dropped by the office earlier that evening. After spending some time with them, I moved in front of the PC and logged on to see if Nelly was online (everyone protested violently against my self-expulsion, but futile…).

Nelly was there and while we were chatting I started as usually nagging on her to break up with Dick. I started getting frustrated and when I found out that Dick was also home in Turnovo, I decided that I couldn’t take it any longer and announced that I was coming for a visit.

Of course , Nelly opposed the idea.

Session Start: Fri Dec 24 23:41:55 1999

[00:48] <Nelly> I want you to embrace me and take me away

[00:49] <Nelly> somewhere far away

[00:49] <Rogger Dojh> you got it

[00:49] <Rogger Dojh> I’ll be in Turnovo tomorrow

[00:49] <Nelly> no, baby, don’t

[00:49] <Rogger Dojh> you can save me some trouble by telling me where you live

[00:49] <Rogger Dojh> or you can not do that

[00:49] <Rogger Dojh> well

[00:49] <Nelly> baby

[00:49] <Nelly> listen

[00:50] <Rogger Dojh> listen to what?

[00:50] <Nelly> there’s no way for you to come and for me to be able to spend even a little time with you

(She still didn’t know me well. She had no idea what I was capable of, once I got it into my head.)

[00:50] <Rogger Dojh> listen to that?

[00:50] <Nelly> I just can’t get out

[00:50] <Rogger Dojh> when there is a will, there is a way

[00:50] <Nelly> which is?

[00:51] <Rogger Dojh> you just pick up and leave

[00:51] <Rogger Dojh> meaning…

[00:52] <Rogger Dojh> ok

[00:52] <Rogger Dojh> do whatever you want

(Nelly is dropped, 5 minutes till she logs on again)

[00:57] <Rogger Dojh> re

[00:57] <Nelly> I got 13 more mins before my sister pushes me off the PC

[00:57] <Nelly> so cut to the chase

[00:58] <Rogger Dojh> as far as I get it

[00:58] <Nelly> [Rogger Dojh PING reply]: 1 sec

[00:58] <Rogger Dojh> you’re indifferent

[00:58] <Rogger Dojh> you’re just in love with me

[00:58] <Rogger Dojh> evidently that passes away

[00:58] <Rogger Dojh> how does that go…

[00:58] <Rogger Dojh> out of sight – out of mind

[00:58] <Nelly> bastard

[00:58] <Rogger Dojh> why should I cause you any trouble

[00:59] <Rogger Dojh> let me be always handy

[00:59] <Rogger Dojh> and as far as my feelings are concerned…

[00:59] <Rogger Dojh> who gives a shit

[00:59] <Nelly> I think that you are the only person after Christo, who I can love so unconditionally and devotedly

[01:00] <Rogger Dojh> are you going do it?

[01:00] <Rogger Dojh> because, as far as I understand, you want to stay with Dick

[01:00] <Nelly> when will I see you?

[01:00] <Rogger Dojh> tomorrow

[01:00] <Nelly> no, baby

[01:00] <Nelly> tomorrow I can’t

[01:01] <Rogger Dojh> then – when you come back, if you want to see me at all

[01:01] <Nelly> come tomorrow

[01:01] <Rogger Dojh> you can bring Dick to the date

[01:01] <Nelly> come tomorrow

[01:01] <Nelly> come tomorrow

[01:01] <Nelly> come tomorrow

[01:01] <Nelly> come tomorrow

[01:01] <Nelly> come tomorrow

[01:01] <Rogger Dojh> where can I find you!?

[01:01] <Nelly> come tomorrow

[01:01] <Nelly> tell me when you’re coming and I’ll wait for you

So this is how things turned round – at 1 after midnight it was clear that I would be traveling on the next day, around 6:30 AM. My friends were looking at me funny; but apparently they had started getting used to the fact that I had gone completely insane because that girl.

I borrowed some cash from Mum (the fact that I had a business mainly meant that I had to pay social security and prepaid taxes, and not that I was making money; I was a total newbie in the field and was completely spaced out…). So, the next morning, in the odious, filthy, ass-freezing winter, I showed up at the bus station and bought a ticket.

The ride was nice. I enjoyed the movie on the tiny bus-TV and watched the driver bravely top 80-90 mph. The bus itself intrigued me as well – until now I had never seen a vehicle with 11 gears.

I arrived, called Nelly, we met, found the place at 6 Samuil St., where I just threw my bags and after that we spent the whole day wandering around Turnovo. We ate at some pizza place and again argued over whether she should get rid of Dick or not. That night we went to some club at the fortress wall (* Veliko Turnovo was the third capital of Bulgaria (1187 – 1393) and therefore it has fortress walls) which was pretty cool. We could see the whole city from the panoramic window, as if we were at the cliffs in Sozopol – only we saw city lights instead of the sea. I liked the music they were playing at the club, had some drinks, talked lovey-dovey stuff… Since the girl had stayed by my side all day, I had managed to forget about Dick and I felt really good. Well, almost – from time to time she would startle and look uneasily at the entrance, in case an aborigine who knew her showed up.

As the night went on we got up and returned to 6. Samuil St.

6.

6. Samuil St. was a converging point for many lines of events. Besides being a place I was renting and Milena’s place of defloration that was the address where Nelly used to pay the cable. That was also the address of the importer stamped on the covers of the CD-Rs I used to buy from Metro. I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out that some brutal murder happened there or God knows what else.

The room I was renting was decently miserable – sad image of a bed, ancient furniture (agro-communistic type, dull and depressing colors, shabby rags – a real palace of the love pleasures, so ‘1984’). The only consolation was that in the dark all these details disappeared.

Nelly and I sat talking in the light for a while; I think we had some weird sandwiches I had prepared in Sofia for dinner. There was no music to listen to but that wasn’t a problem – I guess we were both totally into each other and were having too much fun just being together.

The cold did its job and at some point we got under the bed covers, holding each other and whispering sweet nothings. One word led to another, and pretty soon we ended up kissing in the sudden silence. My hormones hit me in the head with brutal force and as we were locked in the dark room, I didn’t find it all that impossible to sleep with her, no matter what explanations she gave me. I started undressing her, or rather unbuttoning parts of her clothes, taking the winter cold into consideration.

I will skip the erotic scene of purely sexual nature, to spare the reader certain phraseology such as: “My quivering manhood was about to penetrate her tepid tenderness but met the unexpected resistance of her untouched innocence”. Instead I will say, for clarity’s sake, that in spite of all my attempts I couldn’t fuck her. Not that I was devastated by that fact – it was enough that we spent 2-3 hours in bed, at almost zero sexual distance from each other.

Around 11:30 pm she left.  C’est la vie, I said to myself and fell asleep a happy man.

7.

Three days later:

Session Start: Mon Dec 27 14:25:54 1999

[14:26] <Rogger Dojh> re

[14:26] <Nelly> you there?

[14:26] <Rogger Dojh> yep

[14:26] <Rogger Dojh> there was a blackout a few minutes ago

[14:26] <Rogger Dojh> it could happen again

[14:26] <Nelly> I hope not

[14:26] <Rogger Dojh> yep

[14:26] <Rogger Dojh> where did you and Dick go yesterday?

[14:26] <Nelly> is that some weird display of masochism?

[14:28] <Rogger Dojh> interesting question

[14:28] <Rogger Dojh> I hadn’t thought about that

[14:28] <Rogger Dojh> perhaps everything is some weird display of masochism?

[14:28] <Rogger Dojh> but I am not a masochist, I think

[14:28] [Nelly] PING

[Nelly PING reply]: 0 secs

[14:28] <Rogger Dojh> alright

[14:28] <Rogger Dojh> I think there’s no point in talking at all

[14:28] <Rogger Dojh> bye

[14:28] <Nelly> baby!

[14:28] <Nelly> ?

[14:29] <Nelly> what happened?

[14:29] <Nelly> Roggyyyyyyy!

8.

After 6 Samuil St., which became something like a symbol of our relationship, came the night when Nelly slept at my place for the first time. It was actually then, when it turned out that she was not at all frigid. But I won’t go into details about that. The more interesting thing is that we had sex for almost 7 hours; and in the morning Dicky, who had in some way dig up my home phone number, called. Here’s what followed:

“It’s Dojh speaking,” I said picking up the phone. I had to reach over the naked girl for it, as the phone was on the floor next to the bed.

“Is Nelly there?” asked a velvety, drowned and perhaps slightly choked voice.

I was so surprised at that question (absolutely no one knew that she was at my place) that all I could say was this:

“Hold on” and handed her the receiver.

She took it with a confused expression on her face and said:

“Hello?”

The person at the other end hung up.

“That was Dick!” she ascertained with a dramatic tremble in her voice and the magic of last night was suddenly ruined. Nelly rushed to find her cell phone and started dialing like mad. Finally Dick deigned to pick up. I don’t remember the conversation but in the end

Nelly announced she knew where he was going and started dressing.

“He’ll do something stupid!” she notified me hysterically. “You don’t know him. He really loves me. I must go to him. He’s completely capable of doing something stupid!!!”

Still young and foolish, I totally got into the part of the good friend; I even drove her to a certain point on her way to wherever. That probably happened, cuz, unlike Dick, I had already slept with her; and she promised not to do anything rash.

I felt completely self-assured after that night. Damn darn self-confidence! Damn phony promises! Damn naivete and striking lamerhood!

One thing’s for sure – that was the best fuck that I had had in my entire life until that day.

9.

Our secret love nest was my place in Ivan Vazov. Still most of the time we spent together at the apartment we rented – residence for Nelly and Vanya and an office for me and The One We Never Talk About. I was basically living there – when I wasn’t working I preferred to stay with Nelly instead of my parents. I only went home to shower, to poop and accidentally grab a bite.

Most of my friends had already come to visit and see the new headquarters of studio e-design. The only exception was O-Gosh. One day he finally showed up. It was some time early in the evening. Nelly and I had gotten into this huge fight because of Dickys ever more frequent visits and the fact that she wasn’t breaking up with him.

(Here’s how the debate sounded, more or less:

“I’m coming back to Sofia tomorrow.” That’s Anliya, over the phone, from Turnovo.

“Will Dick be sleeping at your place?”

“Can you say anything at all without mentioning Dick?”

“When are you going to break up with him? I’ve gone completely insane already! I want to be with you and I want you to be only with me!

“I can’t, baby! Oh, how I wish I could!”

“So what’s the fucking problem?”

“I can’t leave him like that! He’s counting on me! He has no future in Turnovo, and he has nowhere to live in Sofia, and no one to rely on. It would be cruel for me to just kick him out of our place!”

“And isn’t it cruel for you to torture me like this?” I must admit with undeniable shame that I was a worthy opponent in the whole soap opera.

“I don’t want to torture you! But you have to understand!!”

“Understand?

“It is really hard for me! You must understand!”

“The only thing I understand is that you want to be with Dick and not with me. And I think that maybe it will be better that we don’t see each other anymore.”

“Baby, I love you!

Etc. etc. etc.)

The aggressiveness of the verbal messages was gradually increasing over time and the day O-Gosh’s came by, my jealousy reached the proportions needed for real actions.

When O-Gosh came to visit, Nelly had already gone hysterical. I had told her that I wanted to split up and right after that she had swallowed Uncle Xanax. I was in a terrible mood myself, I had not reached the break-up point yet, although the labor contractions were starting and our break-up was at the cervix of our relationship. Anyways, O-Gosh came to a horrible, depressing atmosphere, and as soon as he had arrived, I insisted that we left immediately for his house in Simeonovo. At least there I could get some sleep away from all my problems. So we got into the Blue Bird and set off for the suburbs in the foot of Vitosha Mountain.

We got to the gate of O-Gosh’s yard late in the evening. I was sitting there, benumbed (I really felt horrible, I was in shock, I still didn’t know how to control my feelings back then…) The headlights were shining in front of me, the engine was purring, and my brain was busy handling violent processes.

“I think I’ll be heading home” I said suddenly. “Well, at least I gave you a ride home.”

“Dude, you can stay if you want to, you know. I got a bottle of great rakia we could drink. ”

O-Gosh could see that I was out of space and was trying to cheer me up as best as he could.

He couldn’t.

“No, thanks. I don’t feel like doing anything. I just want to go home and pull the covers over my head and forget about anything.”

“I can leave you the bottle if you want.”

O-Gosh, God bless you for your good soul. And blessed is your true friendship!

The rakia was downed very purposefully that same night.

To give a certain closure to this chapter, I should mention that Nelly and I made up that same week. More than half of the rakia was still in the bottle, in order to mark a later noteworthy episode – THE PARTY AT NELLY’S – which I will tell you about in the chapter after the next.

10.

As mentioned earlier, Nelly, Vanya and Dick were originally from Turnovo, and they often went home. In one of those particularly cold and disgusting weeks, when the freezing cold winter had its grip on Sofia and the dirty ice, crusty snow, and the overwhelmingly penetrating icy humidity were dominating the day, Nelly had gone home to her parents again and again I was spending an insane amount of time in front of the PC, chatting with her.

As the day of her return approached, I, being a nice guy, offered to pick her up from the bus station on arrival. Thought it was the right thing to do, especially considering the dreadful winter climate and the infernal public transport from hell, running around Sofia at that time.

Nelly, quite unexpectedly, refused. And that brought some very unpleasant thoughts to my mind.

“Well, then … why? What’s the problem?” I asked, while we were talking on the phone.

“Vanya said she’ll come pick me up. Don’t worry; I won’t break if I get on the bus.”

“Hey, I’m not letting you riding home on the bus in such lousy weather, ok?”

“Roggy, please! You don’t need to come there and get me!”

“You just tell me what time your bus comes in.”

“I don’t know! My dad is going to buy the ticket for me, I don’t know for what time exactly.”

“Smell the burning pants.” I thought.

“And is Dick coming to pick you up by any chance?” I gave my thoughts a vocal form.

Silence, then a stupid “Yes”.

“Then call him off.”

“I can’t! I told him, but he insisted!”

“I don’t care. What time are you coming?”

“I told you, I don’t know!”

So she never did tell me the exact hour of arrival. On the next day a quick scan through the bus companies resulted in 3:30 pm as a possibility. I decided to take a chance.

It was clear that Dick will be present for the heart-breaking encounter. I felt slightly insecure because of that and needed moral support. I called Milena, the only person close to Nelly

I had some positive feelings for, and talked her into coming with me. I went through Studentski Grad to pick her up and headed for the Central bus station.

I parked the Blue Bird in the side lane and Milena and I got out of the car.

Here is the cold, and the stinky fog that glues your nostrils shut; everything is blending into the ambiguity of the spunky-grayish colors… And at the corner of the bus station, a lonesome figure is standing like a worm with bones made of yoghurt; watching. I watch too, to find out why it is watching me, and realize – ha, it’s Dicky! Dick is watching how his loathsome nemesis, the Evil Tall One, is approaching. Oh, the horror Dick is going through at that moment of displeasure… And on top of everything the poor guy has been waiting at the bus station for an hour and a half, cuz Anliya told him she would be arriving at 2pm. But unfortunately the bus broke down.

Dick hates the Evil Tall One. Dick hates the cold. What malicious demon has brought these two evils together right now, and right here; to him?!

I wasn’t too thrilled to see him either. Though I had the advantage – as in time-space relation (I had with me somebody, whose good feelings were on my side), so in more general terms (I was fucking Nelly, whereas he could only lick her pussy due to sexually-dimensional incompatibility).

As if to make it worse on him, the bus arrived only 5 minutes after I had got there. And look, Dicky is dragging himself like snot brought to life through the bus station and approaches the bus. Nelly has either not seen me, or is pretending not to. She comes down from the bus, throws herself on Dick’s neck and gives him a kiss on the cheek. Touched by the whole scene, I come closer, accompanied by Milena, and say:

“My dearest, don’t I get a kiss too?”

Dick is staring at me like he just shit his pants, and Nelly’s eyes are throwing thunderbolts, incinerating me; not a girl, but a snake is rising there in front of me at that moment. Her whole being is sizzling with rage and resentment.

So that’s how I found out that I wouldn’t be getting a kiss. Eventually Dicky took Nelly’s bags, Milena helped a bit too, and I, taken out of balance, walked to the car and quite inadequately noted that since I was there anyway, I might as well give them a ride.

Nelly agreed. We put the bags in the trunk. Nelly and Milena got in the back seat. Dick started getting in the car, then suddenly jumped out and took off. Nelly opened the door and shouted:

“Dick, come here!”

Here, Dick stops but doesn’t return.

“Come here right now! Get in the car!”

And I am getting a brainache – my brain is hurting and running a fever out of pure horror. But wait, that’s only the beginning.

“GET IN!” Princess It’s-So-Nice-To-Be-With-Many-Guys gives an order.

Dicky starts getting in the front seat again, but I look at him and he pops right back out. He can’t stand sitting so close to the guy who is doing his girlfriend. I totally understand him. What I can’t understand is how come he still hasn’t smacked her (the Princess, that is) on the head.

“I will not sit in the front,” he takes a firm and manly stand, while tears are showing in his voice.

Finally Milena and Nelly make enough room in the back to squeeze in one worm extra.

He is sitting there and sobbing. I start the Blue Bird and drive off, but my eyes keep looking at the rearview mirror – Dick is actually crying! Water is running down his eyes, his pale cheeks are wet; his Dicky’s (oops, Adam’s) apple is spasmodically jumping up and down, and his face has cramped up – a man all around.

And so the four of us, like a big happy family, drove off on the icy road to Mladost. The whole scene boosted my adrenaline, which rushed by the gallon into my bloodstream. At one of the junctions we almost had an accident, which would have been my fault. But Fate favors the mad and those in love, and the Blue Bird was full of both. Thanks to that we got there safe and sound.

In Mladost we spent an hour or so, with me messing with Dick, while Nelly, Milena and Vanya watched the show from the sides. Then I got lost.

Now after that episode the coast is clear for the PARTY AT NELLY’S, which is happening some time in the next few weeks.

11.

Subject: the Party at Nelly’s.

There was some reason for the party, but it has faded into the depths of the insignificant past. In any case I met up with Anelya the day before, brought her something (possibly a flower?) and when I found out that both her sister and Dick will be at the party, I decided not to go. I told her to have a good time and dragged myself to my parents’ place in Ivan Vazov.

Sitting at home in the evening. My PC is at Nelly’s. Sitting and feeling like crap – Nelly is with Dicky at the party. Typically my desire for liquor is growing proportionally to my bad mood, and there it is – O-Gosh’s monumental bottle of rakia, sloshing sweetly and boosting my self-assurance.

Some time around 10 pm I had drunk enough to not feel as bad about Nelly. On the other hand my need for social contacts took over me overwhelmingly. I didn’t want to sit alone in my room anymore, and that was it. The little kid stomped its foot, called a cab and, taking the only necessary luggage (i.e. the half-finished bottle), set off for Mladost.

The car stopped in front of the building. I paid the cabby with my last cash and got on the N-th floor. I rang the door bell and waited.

I could hear music, laughter and other signs of festivity coming from inside. I heard Dick’s voice and Nelly’s tinkling laughter. “I’ll get it”, she said. And she did.

“Oh! What are you doing here?” she greeted me with a moderately surprised cry.

“I love you too” I replied. “I’m coming to the party.”

“I thought you said you weren’t coming.”

“Thanks for the warm welcome. I’m here anyway . So where’s the party?”

In the meantime Dick tried to make his way into the hallway but was bluntly pushed out by Nelly. Perhaps her reaction was primarily caused by the predatory look I gave him.

“What’s that?” Anleiya inquired, squinting at the bottle of rakia.

“My booze,” I explained.

“You drank all that on your own?” Nelly picked up the pitch.

“Only half of it, and it wasn’t even today. Doesn’t matter anyway” I remarked and went into the living room, where Dick had appeared from.

“Yo, pigs!” I cheerfully greeted the group of Nelly’s classmates. They looked at me with dumb resentment.

“Hey everyone,” I added, hoping this message would be clearer to them.

“Hi”, someone mumbled. The looks of everyone else became heavy with hostility, and started dispersing in different directions.

That’s how the evening started.

The first scene of the party went on relatively peacefully. I was drinking quietly, aggravatedly watching Nelly, who didn’t leave Dick’s side. Vanya was sitting on a dresser, swaying her legs and squinting at me, her eyes filled with resentment. The others – they were living it up.

After a while I got tired of it all and intercepted Nelly in the hallway (which, given the dimensions of the tiny apartment, was also a kitchen). I was already quite frustrated, so I told her that her attentiveness towards Dick, compared to that towards me, was absolutely unacceptable. Unfortunately Sonya, some friend of hers from university, happened to be there too, and she all of a sudden took Dick’s side. Later on she even managed to have a one-on-one talk with me, going on about stuff that was none of her business whatsoever.

Then Sonya did the same with Nelly.

Finally, Nelly and I had the following conversation tête-à-tête:

“Do you like Sonya?” she asked.

“Yeah, she’s alright.”

“Well, she doesn’t like you at all. She said you were being an ass and was wondering why I even bother.”

As soon as she said that, I felt the rage rising up in my chest. Not towards Sonya, whom I didn’t give a tiny rat’s ass about, but to Nelly, who was standing there so casually, blurting out crap.

“But I told her she wasn’t right…” the girl just kept on talking.

“And what business is it of hers to discuss our relationship?” I inquired.

“She’s my friend,” Nelly replied.

“Oh, yeah? I should probably start telling my friends about it too.”

“I don’t mind.”

(If this story didn’t accidentally coincide with reality, etc. blah-blah-blah, this would be the statement to officially give me the carte blanche to write this part of the book.)

“So, now what, you’ll be staying with Dick all night?”

“He’s feeling really bad,” Nelly replied. “He loves me so much. And since you came over, he’s been feeling even worse.”

“So guess what? I don’t give a shit about how Dick feels.”

“No, but I do!”

The door to the hallway opened and somebody came in. That made us discontinue the conversation. Nelly started talking to her college friend and I went into the room, where the rest of the guests were congregated.

My radar located Dick immediately. He was sitting alone at the end of the table. I saw an empty chair next to him and headed that way. I sat down right in front of his wet, sleazy look and stared at him with unabashed resentment.

I sat there silent, glaring at his long locks and his thin unshaven moustache.

He was smoking quietly for a while, watching me in turn. Finally he confidently pulled on his cigarette and blew the smoke into my face.

I leaned forward, putting my hand on his knee gently.

“I like being harassed by pretty boys,” I said with a velvet voice. The slimy smile froze on his face, and my nostrils flared defiantly.

“Dojh!” Nelly’s voice rang. Panic and aggression had intertwined in her tone. She was just stepping into the room and her radar was also on.

I got up, happy to get away from Dick, without compromising my dignity, and headed to the bedroom, where at least I knew I could be alone. Nelly tried to say something, but when I passed her by, she hurried to Dick, to check what I had done to him.

In the bedroom I dropped on one of the beds, put my arm over my eyes and the alcoholic drowse descended on me. I felt really lousy and preferred to stay by myself… If I wasn’t expecting a couple of guys I had called after I came to the party, and if I had cash, I would have gone away. But so far, I was stuck.

Some time later the door opened and somebody came in.

“What are you doing here?” Nelly asked (obviously that somebody was her).

I didn’t reply. I didn’t even move.

“Come on now, what’s wrong with you?” she went on.

“Are you alright?” she added.

I moved my arm slowly and opened my eyes. I looked at her with a mean stare.

“No,” I answered. “I’m not alright and you know why perfectly good. Dick has been feeling really bad! Why don’t you think about how I feel?” and I answered my own question right away: “Cuz you don’t give a shit, that’s why.”

“It’s not true!” she raised her voice. “But I can’t dump him. He can’t make it without me!”

“Oh, so I can?”

“You don’t know what it’s like to be alone in a town and be dumped by the only person you count on!”

“Then he can go back to Turnovo, where he won’t be alone.”

“You know he can’t find a job there!”

“He can’t find a job here either.”

“Right now he’s looking for one with a friend of his.”

“I don’t give a damn what he’s looking for. I just want him out of my life!”

“I need time to make such a decision and arrange my life in a way that will be good for you.”

“And I think you are just a bitch and that perfectly explains everything.”

Nelly gaped at me dumb.

“And it is about time we broke up,” I went on. I was fed up it with all that Dick shit.

“I can’t take it anymore!” suddenly she went hysterical. “I can’t stand either of you! Everyone harasses me, my parents when I get home, my sister, and you, and Dick! Eventually I will kill myself!”

She climbed onto the night stand under the window and opened one of the wings. Immediately a stream of icy air poured in from the outside.

“I’ll jump out the window!” she put one foot on the sill and stood there in quite an uncomfortable, stretched, ugly and ridiculous position. “And then I won’t care about anyone! You will feel sorry for me, but you won’t be able to harass me anymore! And you will be better off like that. You’ll miss me at first, but after a week or two you’ll forget all about me!!”

At that moment I got seriously worried. That hysterical creature looked so unbalanced, that I expected to see her really taking a plunge head first.

“Come on, cut the crap,” I said. “Get off of there.”

“It’s not crap! I’ll jump and I’ll be done with this whole nightmare!”

“Look, close the window and let’s sit down and talk it over.”

“I love you,” she stated suddenly and got off the night stand. She closed the window and turned to me.

“You’re drunk,” she stated. “I don’t like you when you drink.”

“And what do you think, what’s the reason I’m drunk?”

“Don’t start again!!”

The door opened and her sister came in, putting an end to this painful fiasco.

“Dojh, somebody’s at the door looking for you,” she announced with an acid voice and disappeared.

“Go see to your guests,” Nelly commanded, a habit she had picked up around Dick. My first reaction was to oppose her, but eventually my desire to see my friends prevailed over the repulsion to obey orders, so I had to adhere.

It was Ender.

Never in my whole life had I been so happy to see a friend. I felt like hugging him, it was so wonderful to see a friendly mug that said in a deep voice “Yo, pig!”

“Hey Ender!” I replied. “Fucking great you came!”

“Why, what’s up?”

“Shit. But I don’t feel like talking.”

“Your bitch piss you off?”

You can say that.

“Fuck her. I don’t get why you’re even wasting your time with her.”

“Ok, look, let’s not talk about it.”

“Ok, whatever. Got booze?”

“Here,” I showed him the already-more-than-the-half-finished bottle.

“Ooh, you’ve done well. I got wine.”

“Well, let’s sit down and get started.”

Just across from the door there was a big bed – the same, on which Nelly and I discussed our lost virginities at the dawn of our relationship. The distance between the bed and the door was the only unoccupied space in the room, so we put in three chairs – one for each of us and one for a table in the middle. We sat down and started drinking and gabbing. Ender kept insisting that I tell him what had got me so pissed so eventually I told him about Dick and how Nelly had been stuck to him all night.

When he heard that he flipped out.

“Who is it? This one?” he asked when Nelly was squeezing by to go out. She gave him an icy look. From the moment she saw him at the front door she had bristled up all over. Now she had pushed the door into him on purpose.

“Ender!” I raised my voice to stop his outburst but he paid no attention to me whatsoever. He stretched out his leg and pushed the door back.

“Yo. Come here for a sec,” Ender said and got up. Immediately I jumped to my feet too.

“Ender, shut up.”

“Don’t you close the door on me!” Nelly ordered him, her snout angrily pointed.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Ender inquired.

“Ender, shut up!!!” I repeated, getting as close to him as possible, and lowering my voice, continued. “Stop it, you’re messing things up for me!”

“I don’t give a shit,” he replied. “I think she’s being an ass , then he turned to her. “Yo, can’t you be more careful when you walk by?”

“Yeah, right, why did you sit right next to the door at first place?” Nelly gnarled at him.

“Who the fuck are you to tell me where to sit?”

“This is my place!” Nelly informed him. At this point Dicky shuffled in and dragged her out to the hallway. I showed Ender the chair and he sat down reluctantly.

“Dojh, you’re in deep shit,” he stated with a competent tone. “And now again I have to save your ass.”

“My ass? You’ve been nothing but trouble,” I replied.

“You’re full of shit,” he said. “Forget about that bitch.”

“I won’t. Just drop it.”

In a minute the argument subsided into conversation and by the time we discovered both bottles were empty, we were already piss ass drunk. Ender scanned the room but didn’t find any more alcohol.

“Let’s go buy some” he said when he returned to our chairs.

“K, let’s go” I said. We squeezed out into the hallway and right at the door Nelly sprung up right beside me like a poisonous mushroom.

“Where are you going?” she asked me.

“It’s none of your business,” Ender snapped at her.

“To buy booze,” I clarified. “We’ll buzz you, when we get back.”

“You won’t find any store open at this time.”

“We’ll give it a try.”

“Dojh, come on,” Ender rushed me, annoyed that I’m talking to Nelly. He was overlooking the simple fact that in spite of all the scenes and soaps, we were both very much in love and cared for one another in some way.

It was a fierce, ass-freezing winter night. Dirty snow and polished ice. Ender and I speeded up, rushed by the piercing cold, our senses numbed by inebriation.

We walked around the whole neighborhood, had a chat with some misguided patrolling cops, saw a couple of closed shops, but didn’t find a 24 hour store that sold liquor. Finally we went back empty handed. Bored by the evening and the party, we stretched on the beds in the bedroom and without turning on the light we just let the booze and doze to deal with our brains.

12.

The door opened and closed. My intoxicated conscience registered the fact but refused to react.

“Dojh,” Nelly’s voice said. “Some friends of yours arrived.”

The door opened again.

“Hey, Rogger!” a Twin’s voice resounded.

“Dojhy, how are you, darling?” Mimi’s voice added.

For the second time that night I slowly opened my eyes. This time, though, I didn’t see Nelly’s pale face, but two identical heads peeking from both sides of Mimi’s long dark hair. Familiar faces! A happy feeling of security and friendship sneaked through my jaded psyche and evoked a pale smile on my lips.

I managed to get on my feet with certain difficulty. I swayed and smiled wider.

The Twins were here. They were my salvation and my return ticket to places far away, places I wanted to go to that very second.

“Let’s get outta here,” I said.

The Twins stared at me.

“Yeah right, but we just got here! Let’s stay for a while and mingle, and then we’ll go.”

“Come on, let’s scram,” I said again.

“Dojh, sweetheart, what’s wrong?” fawned Mimi, sincerely worried about me. She could see how drunk I was and my dreadful mood scared her, because even the alcohol could not make it go away.

“A horrible evening,” I said. “I’ll tell you about it later.”

“Who’s that?” one of the Twins inquired and pointed at Ender on the other bed.

“Is that Ender?!” Mimi exclaimed. Ender himself was sound asleep.

The Twins tried to attract his attention but when they figured that it was impossible , they left the room and went socializing. Mimi stayed with me.

“Roggy,” she said. “Don’t be depressed. Everything will be just fine!” Her voice sounded so beautiful – as if an angel had come down from heaven in the shape of a woman and was singing to me. “What did that damn Nelly do again?”

“Doesn’t matter. I just want to get away.”

“Ok, Roggy, we’ll call a cab right away. Just calm down.”

“I’m totally calm. I just want to leave.”

“Ok. Ok!” she said and went to find the Twins and call a taxi.

13.

The cab was waiting for us downstairs. It was a small car, a tiny Daewoo, and definitely couldn’t fit all five of us – Ender was there too, though it was extremely difficult to wake him up. Actually Mimi managed to accomplish this noble deed – I had already gone to get some cold water to pour on him, which fortunately I didn’t do.

“You’ll have to call another cab,” the driver stated unpleased that we didn’t think of that ourselves, but also pleased that we’ll have to pay double.

“Go on then!” the Twins replied.

The second car arrived. We got in and headed for OC (* OC – Ovcha Coupel, a.n.), where the Identical Ones lived. We were gonna party on without any external unwelcome characters.

We are driving on the ring road. Black night all around us, snowy white fields, and just the occasional truck swishes by. Ahead of us is the car with the Identical Ones and Mimi, and Ender is traveling with me, constantly touching something on the dash board – he’s very drunk and very cheeky.

Just before the first turn to Simeonovo, the other cab turns on the emergency lights, pulls over and stops. Seconds later our car does exactly the same.

“What’s going on? Why are we stopping?” I ask.

“We had a flat.”

“And what about the others?”

“They too.”

When we got out we saw that the other taxi actually had two flat tires. We had gone with high speed through a particularly nasty pothole.

Out in the night, the cabbie is wandering around the car, setting up jacks.

“Can a pothole give you a flat?” I ask him. In the meantime his buddy is calling a third car to bring new tires.

“What the hell is your problem?” the cab driver snaps at me. “With these narrow tires – one blow and the rim cuts through the whole tire! This is the fourth time I’ve had a flat today! And I’m paying for all out of my own pocket!”

The cabby was vinegar-sour. I started cheering up amidst the whole absurd… There wasn’t a soul miles around; only virgin snow, with howling wolves (I imagined), and I was there with two cabs and two frustrated, whiny drivers with unpleasant personalities, pleasing me by having problems… And Ender, who was pissing noisily right next by the road, cussing loudly just in case.

Finally they fixed one of the vehicles, the rest of us moved in the car, which brought the spare tires and we all drove on to the OC.

That same night I told Mimi and the Identical Ones stories about the dramatic events in my life within the last month and that brought to the idea of a soap opera play, called The Bitch in White (Mimi proposed The Widow in White as a classic title, but I clarified that we were talking real bitch here).

That’s how Nelly got her new name. And it clicked in like a piece of puzzle.

14.

A week or two later, at the next party at the Twins, I had already broken up with Nelly and was feeling quite well. I mean, sure, there wasn’t a single second the girl didn’t occupy all my mental resources, but at least emotionally I had loosened up.

Mimi’s dad had bought a video camera from Germany and since I had scribbled down the soap opera script at the previous party, we decided that this time we were going to film it.

That’s how the cult film The Bitch in White, shot with an amateur camera, came into being.

Starring:

Mimi – as The Bitch in White and Dick;

Rogger Dojh – as Rogger Dojh and Dick;

The Twin Ivo (the one, who was dating Mimi) – as Rogger Dojh, Dick and The Bitch in White;

Mum, Milady and the other Twin – as a doorbell.

Actually, the entire performance was carried out by the Twin Ivo. I turned out to be mind-numbingly lame before of the camera, Mimi just did her part, but Ivo simply nailed it. During one of the scenes, Mimi playing Dick and the twin playing Nelly, I couldn’t make myself stop laughing and despite my best efforts the camera was shaking the whole time.

Later on that movie caused a particularly intense fight with Nelly, but that’s not the point. A much more interesting moment was the one, when The Bitch in White declared that we couldn’t have sex anymore, because every time we did her vagina itched and hurt afterwards. Soon little Dojh started showing STD signs too, so I was forced to visit a dermatologist.

15.

The doctor examined the Little General and stated that it was a bacterial infection, caused by poor sexual hygiene. (So, before going to bed with the girlfriend, wash your hands and take a good bath, so that you don’t have to listen to that kind of revelations at the doctor’s office. Even if you’re in a big hurry at a party or whatever – wash your hands!)

(* Teddy Bear is always clean / Doing mountain river swim. / There’s no reason good for you / Not to do what bears do! ­ a.n.)

The bacterial infection was accompanied by faint signs of Candida. I had a microbiological test done, just in case, after which I was prescribed antibiotic powder and chamomile tea with baking soda, into which I was to soak my willie every evening. A week later I was completely healthy, which on the other hand wasn’t exactly the case with Nelly.

Nelly, respectively, had to visit the gynecologist. I had even found an elderly lady doctor, well known in the medical circles for her excellent professional skills. She was working with my dermatologist so that, when couples like us showed up, they could treat them in tandem and follow up for recurrences. But as soon as I picked up the issue, all hell broke loose.

Nelly went into schizoid hysteria, her eyes popped out, and she started rambling sporadically:

“Hell, no! They will stretch me out and they will stick ironware up my vage! I am not going. I will never go to a gynecologist! You cannot imagine how horrible it is!”

“Oh, come on, all the women I know have been to a gynecologist and are still alive and kicking.”

“I am not going! We won’t have sex if I can’t do it like that, but I’m not going to a gynecologist!”

“And now, because of your obtuse pigheadedness, we’ll just sit all night and BS?”

“I DON’T CARE! IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT! I’ve only slept with you and there’s nowhere else I could have gotten this!!! You’re like a hotbed! You told me you had had a fungus infection with that other one, right?!”

“I got cured then.”

“So you didn’t get completely cured! You told me yourself that these are very stubborn diseases!”

“Look, don’t go to the gynecologist if you don’t want to. But this is ridiculous. Even more now, when we know what it is. You need to see a doctor and not wait like this, it might get worse.”

“It won’t! Get out! I don’t want to see you anymore! You’re the reason I am like this now!”

She rushed around the place to pile up the few things I had there (it had recently become clear that I wouldn’t be able to pay rent and I had moved out my PC). She handed them to me with an insane staring look and started screaming at me again. I, on the other hand, put the stuff aside and tried to calm her down. I started talking to her with a soothing voice, which seemingly did the trick. Finally, when I saw she had loosened up, I got out of there, because I was on my last nerve.

As a result, soon after that incident (and a couple of more similar hysterical episodes) we broke up for the second time – that happened around the end of March and we remained separated almost till the end of April.

16.

Another month passed, during which the Twins had their BDay party, I had mine, and in the meantime e-design moved to a new office – in one of the Gamers’ Workshop (* The best Bulgarian gaming magazine at the time.) rooms. I had already designed their website. Plus, one of the four editors – Groove – was a really close friend of mine. But that has nothing to do with the soap opera I was starring in, so I will not go into detail.

Here’s what happened in April:

Session Start: Thu Apr 13 15:54:11 2000

[15:54] <affliction> hello

[15:54] affliction is wee@isdn-1­12.netplus.bg * r

[15:54] affliction on #bulgaria

[15:54] affliction using sodre.nj.us.dal.net www.ishell.net

[15:54] affliction End of /WHOIS list.

(Nelly’s ident “wee” and my ISP’s IP – why wasn’t I surprised at who was lurking there?)

[15:54] <Rogger Dojh> affliction is wee@isdn-1­12.netplus.bg * r

[15:54] <Rogger Dojh> this seems very familiar

[15:54] <Rogger Dojh> what’s up?

[15:54] <affliction> are you doing that to my ICQ??????

[15:54] <affliction> and if you are, stop, pls

[15:54] <affliction> !!!

[15:55] <Rogger Dojh> I ain’t doing anything with nobody’s ICQ

[15:55] <Rogger Dojh> what exactly is somebody doing with your ICQ?

[15:55] <affliction> I got a msg today, that you added me.

[15:55] <Rogger Dojh> well

[15:55] <Rogger Dojh> so what

[15:55] <affliction> and right after that my UIN!!!! froze up

[15:55] <affliction> and doesn’t want to start anymore

[15:56] <affliction> and it’s weird because all the others are running

[15:56] <Rogger Dojh> you’re online in ICQ right now

[15:56] <affliction> yeah, with ICQ98

[15:56] <Rogger Dojh> so what’s the problem

[15:57] <affliction> ICQ99b doesn’t run with my UIN

[15:57] <Rogger Dojh> I think you didn’t choose the right institution to complain to

[15:57] <Rogger Dojh> try with Mirabillis

[15:57] <affliction> very funny

[15:59] <Rogger Dojh> you’ve selected a very appropriate nick

[15:59] <Rogger Dojh> it suits you

[15:59] <affliction> do you know what it means???

[16:00] <Rogger Dojh> ah, you were the one with all the smart questions!

[16:00] <Rogger Dojh> what do YOU think???

[16:01] <affliction> I think, that I learned that word yesterday

[16:01] <affliction> and I will be very surprised if you know it

[16:02] <Rogger Dojh> feel welcome to be surprised

[16:02] <affliction> exactly

[16:02] <affliction> what do you think it means?

[16:03] <Rogger Dojh> ugh

[16:04] <Rogger Dojh> it has a slightly complicated translation

[16:04] <Rogger Dojh> affliction ­ “It’s-So-Nice-To-Be-With-Many-Guys”

[16:05] <affliction> actually my yesterday’s nick was something that if stretched to an extreme can be used in that sense – apostate

[16:05] <affliction> affliction: pain suffering, anything causing pain or distress

[16:07] <Rogger Dojh> as I have already noted, I know what it means

[16:08] <affliction> actually that’s laudable

[16:08] <affliction> cuz that’s an SAT word

[16:08] <affliction> and it’s one of the few that I can’t remember

[16:08] <affliction> same as with apostate

[16:09] <affliction> when I use them as nicks I remember them more quickly

… (much later that night)

[00:40] <ancillary> tell me

[00:43] <ancillary> wouldn’t you want to be with me again if you knew that I love you more than anything, and that I will never be possessive again?

[00:44] <Rogger Dojh> it wouldn’t be you

[00:44] <Rogger Dojh> it’s like being with you, but with your head chopped off

[00:44] <Rogger Dojh> but that wouldn’t be as scary

[01:19] <ancillary> have you had sex with another girl, after we split?

[01:19] <Rogger Dojh> no

[01:20] <ancillary> I c

[01:20] <ancillary> thanks for answering

[01:21] <Rogger Dojh> :)

[01:21] <Rogger Dojh> I’m not hiding anything from anybody

[01:21] <ancillary> and you shouldn’t

[01:21] <ancillary> :)

[01:22] <Rogger Dojh> I’m not looking for praise for my noble deed, either

[02:57] <apostate> I know, your needs matter to you the most

[02:57] <Rogger Dojh> how long did I plead with you to go see a doctor

[02:57] <apostate> and that your freedom is an inseparable part of you

[02:57] <Rogger Dojh> ??

[02:58] <apostate> so that you can fuck me after that

[02:58] <Rogger Dojh> really

[02:58] <apostate> that’s when it all started

[02:58] <apostate> that Saturday

[02:59] <Rogger Dojh> oh, yeah

[02:59] <apostate> so many times I go back to that Saturday

[02:59] <apostate> you told me

[02:59] <apostate> that sex is an inseparable part of our relationship

[02:59] <apostate> and I said in panic, that I should go, that I won’t go

[03:00] <apostate> and then you weren’t the same anymore

[03:00] <apostate> no sex – no love

[03:00] <apostate> you know, fuck first than love

(the bitch here quoted me – quite precisely, by the way)

[03:01] <Rogger Dojh> where are you getting at?

[03:01] <apostate> the bad thing is that I started becoming like you

[03:01] <Rogger Dojh> actually desire is more important than sex itself

[03:01] <Rogger Dojh> but the quintessence of love is exactly there

[03:01] <Rogger Dojh> it’s all hormones

[03:02] <Rogger Dojh> love and sex simply go together

[03:02] <apostate> yep

[03:02] <apostate> I hate sex

[03:06] <Rogger Dojh> but I’ll really appreciate it if you cut that crap about seeing each other

[03:06] <apostate> do you know why I hate sex?

[03:06] <Rogger Dojh> I don’t particularly care

[03:06] <apostate> alright

[03:06] <Rogger Dojh> you can spare me the details

[03:06] <apostate> I am going to jump out the window right now and there’ll be no way for us to see each other, even if you wanted to

[03:07] <apostate> you know what always bothered me about killing myself?

[03:07] <apostate> the fact that you won’t even know that I’m not there anymore

[03:08] <apostate> not that you care

[03:08] <apostate> but just FYI

[03:08] <Rogger Dojh> that’s the little thing that pushes me away from you

[03:08] <Rogger Dojh> you’re so vengeful

[03:08] <apostate> everything about me pushes you away

[03:08] <Rogger Dojh> the fact that you bite back, when you feel hurt.

[03:09] <apostate> you’re the only one that makes me like that

[03:09] <apostate> I think that it’s something about you

[03:10] <Rogger Dojh> so, what I’m hearing is:

[03:10] <Rogger Dojh> if I want to be with you – I am a wonderful human being

[03:10] <Rogger Dojh> if I don’t – I am an abominable person

[03:10] <apostate> no

[03:11] <Rogger Dojh> no “no”

[03:11] <apostate> you’re not wonderful

[03:11] <Rogger Dojh> the entire log is right in front of me

(Alright, I’m not a wonderful human being. But that’s not the point here :)

[03:14] <apostate> because I love you

[03:15] <apostate> and it’s so hard to give up the person you love

[03:15] <apostate> it’s not possible that you’ve never felt that

[03:15] <apostate> actually nothing is impossible

[03:16] <Rogger Dojh> alright

[03:16] <Rogger Dojh> look

[03:16] <Rogger Dojh> I’ve taken a final decision for myself

[03:16] <Rogger Dojh> so what I’m going to say won’t change a thing

[03:16] <apostate> please

[03:17] <Rogger Dojh> I loved you and I will love you but I will never give my love to a girl who’s capable of hurting me the moment she sees she is going to lose me.

[03:17] <apostate> I don’t wish to hurt you

[03:18] <apostate> I am crying like a baby here

[03:18] <apostate> don’t do this

[03:18] <apostate> don’t destroy my life

[03:18] <apostate> because you are my life

[03:19] <apostate> I love you

[03:19] <apostate> I want to hold you and kiss you

[03:19] <apostate> to be with you

[03:21] <apostate> I miss your lips, and I miss your eyes, and I miss your arms, and I miss you

[03:22] <apostate> why don’t you teach me how to love you

[03:22] <apostate> and I will teach you

[03:23] <apostate> it can be like a fairy tale

[03:23] <apostate> because I act like that only when I am hurt

[03:23] <apostate> but if we teach each other how not to hurt one another

[03:23] <apostate> we can make it

Session Close: Thu Apr 14 03:40:36 2000

(Three days pass…)

Session Start: Mon Apr 17 00:49:40 2000

[00:49] <Nelly> hello :)

[00:50] <Rogger Dojh> hi

[00:50] <Nelly> feeling better?

[00:51] <Rogger Dojh> dunno

[00:51] <Rogger Dojh> I’m sick and tired and I don’t really give a fuck

[00:56] <Nelly> I went out for pizza today, with Milena, and now my belly hurts

[00:56] <Rogger Dojh> don’t go for pizza with Milena anymore

[00:57] <Nelly> btw the greeting card you sent me yesterday was very nice, the second one :)

[00:57] <Nelly> I won’t, I’ll do it alone from now on :)

[00:57] <Rogger Dojh> those were the only two cards from the “Love” section that I liked [00:57] <Rogger Dojh> btw

[00:58] <Rogger Dojh> still, what did you do about the Candida?

[00:58] <Nelly> about what?

[00:58] <Nelly> nothing

[01:00] <Rogger Dojh> do you feel ok?

[01:00] <Nelly> well, at least there aren’t visible signs of not being ok

[01:03] <Nelly> do you want to go see a movie tomorrow?

[01:04] <Rogger Dojh> I’m not sure about tomorrow

[01:04] <Rogger Dojh> lets talk again one of these days

[01:04] <Rogger Dojh> I want to see Dogma

[01:04] <Nelly> alright

[01:04] <Nelly> me too

[01:04] <Nelly> and Milena is so excited that she already has a list of all the showings (shows)

[01:05] <Rogger Dojh> Ender recommended it today

[01:07] <Nelly> so, when?

[01:07] <Rogger Dojh> I don’t know exactly

[01:07] <Rogger Dojh> I’m not really feeling very well

[01:08] <Rogger Dojh> I’ll get some blood drawn in the morning

[01:08] <Nelly> what do they need your blood for?

[01:08] <Rogger Dojh> for tests

[01:09] <Rogger Dojh> when something’s wrong with me they always draw my blood and run tests on it

[01:09] <Nelly> what tests?

[01:09] <Nelly> I guess it brings them pleasure

[01:09] <Nelly> maybe they’re all vampires

[01:10] <Rogger Dojh> no, the blood work could very specifically show, what is causing my fucking temperature and why I’m not getting better

[01:10] <Rogger Dojh> and indicate, if it’s something serious

[01:10] <Rogger Dojh> that’s how they discovered my pneumonia last winter

[01:11] <Nelly> something serious???

[01:11] <Rogger Dojh> otherwise it had seemed like it’s nothing more than a common cold

[01:11] <Rogger Dojh> well, I could be dying

[01:11] <Nelly> stop it :((

[01:13] <Nelly> you haven’t started dying yet, have you???

[01:14] <Rogger Dojh> I haven’t

[01:14] <Nelly> ооо, at least that’s nice

[01:14] <Nelly> why do you think you could be dying?

[01:14] <Rogger Dojh> I don’t like this question

[01:14] <Nelly> ok

[01:15] <Nelly> the better strategy then would be to think that you’re probably not dying :)

[01:15] <Nelly> that will keep up your spirit :PPP

[01:16] <Rogger Dojh> you came to terms quite fast with the thought of me dying

[01:17] <Rogger Dojh> that’s totally like you

[01:17] <Nelly> I know you’re not dying

[01:17] <Nelly> I won’t let you

[01:18] <Rogger Dojh> thank you

[01:18] <Rogger Dojh> :)

[01:18] <Nelly> you can always count on me :))

[01:19] <Rogger Dojh> I don’t think so

[01:43] <Nelly> oki

[01:43] <Nelly> I’m going to get some sleep

[01:44] <Rogger Dojh> you do that

[01:44] <Nelly> are we going to the movies tomorrow or not?

[01:45] <Rogger Dojh> not tomorrow

[01:45] <Nelly> oki

[01:45] <Rogger Dojh> but this week for sure

[01:45] <Nelly> I’ll log into IRC again some time this week

[01:45] <Nelly> oki

[01:45] <Nelly> sweet dreams

[01:46] <Rogger Dojh> good night

Session Close: Mon Apr 17 01:50:13 2000

Session Start: Tue Apr 18 01:47:12 2000

[01:47] <Nelly> hello

[01:47] <Rogger Dojh> hi

[01:52] <Rogger Dojh> what about tomorrow at 4?

[01:53] <Nelly> is there a Dogma show at that time?

[01:53] <Nelly> Mir Cinema

[01:53] <Nelly> Denkoglou St. 6

[01:53] <Nelly> tel. 9861 135 Dogma

[01:53] <Nelly> 11:30 am, 12 pm, 4:30 pm, 9:30 pm.; 7 pm., all days except Tuesdays

[01:53] <Nelly> Modern Theater

[01:53] <Nelly> Maria Luisa Blvd. 26

[01:53] <Nelly> tel. 835 646

[01:53] <Nelly> Dogma

[01:53] <Nelly> 4 pm, 18:15 pm.

[01:54] <Rogger Dojh> cool, let’s go to Mir at 4:30

[01:54] <Nelly> ok

[01:54] <Nelly> Milena wanted to see it too, you wouldn’t mind if I invited her, would you

[01:55] <Rogger Dojh> up to you

[01:55] <Nelly> oki

[02:41] <Rogger Dojh> to be honest, I’d feel better if you came alone

[02:42] <Nelly> alright

[02:42] <Nelly> Milena bothers you?

[02:42] <Rogger Dojh> no, she doesn’t

[02:43] <Rogger Dojh> 10x

[02:43] <Nelly> ok

[02:43] <Nelly> if you want to, you can tell me why; if not – I won’t ask questions

[02:44] <Rogger Dojh> I would have told you already if I wanted to :)

[02:44] <Rogger Dojh> without you asking

[02:44] <Rogger Dojh> you should know me at least that well

[02:44] <Nelly> ok

[02:46] <Nelly> btw, the person I knew wasn’t really you

[02:46] <Nelly> so you can just cross out your last line

[02:47] <Rogger Dojh> hahaha

[02:47] <Rogger Dojh> and who do you think it was? Uncle Fucker?

[02:48] <Nelly> I didn’t really know the person I’ve been talking to lately

[02:48] <Nelly> to say so

[02:54] <Nelly> do you still want us to go see a movie?

[02:54] <Rogger Dojh> yeah

[02:54] <Rogger Dojh> why

[02:55] <Nelly> oki :)

[02:55] <Nelly> I thought after what I said, you’d cancel

[02:55] <Rogger Dojh> no way, I’ll give you a chance to meet my new me

[02:56] <Nelly> I don’ know whether I’d really like it

[02:56] <Nelly> and honestly, I’m scared

[02:57] <Rogger Dojh> it was your idea

[02:57] <Nelly> yes it was

[03:03] <Nelly> ok

(From here on goes an unbearably dramatic, deeply moving dialogue, and I would rather spare the readers the soapy brainache it can cause; the essence is: we shall remain separated.)

[03:25] <Nelly> :))

[03:26] <Rogger Dojh> so tomorrow we will see Dogma cuz the movie is good, and that’s it

[03:26] <Nelly> exactly :)

[03:28] <Rogger Dojh> bye, c u  tomorrow at 4:30 pm in front of Mir

[03:28] <Nelly> can I bring Milena?

[03:29] <Nelly> sweet dreams :)

[03:29] <Rogger Dojh> I asked you not to bring her. Still, it doesn’t mean that I’ll leave, if I see her

[03:30] <Rogger Dojh> and indeed, I’m not going to sleep

[03:30] <Rogger Dojh> bye

Session Close: Tue Apr 18 03:30:14 2000

17.

The day X.

The Identical Ones had told me once about something they had seen in a movie: a way to find out whether a woman is alright and really cares. The method was called The Bottom Test. Here is how it goes: you unlock the door of the car for the lady, she gets in, you close the door after her, and you go round the back of the car, in order to remain out of her sight. To pass the test the girl has to be thoughtful enough to reach out and unlock your side of the car, before you use your keys. Of course, this does not work on cars with a central locking system, but luckily enough that was not the case with my old, simple Skoda.

I agreed to see a movie with Nelly, only to put her to The Bottom Test. I even had a bet with Mishell about the outcome. The wager was a bottle of red wine that we were to drink together some day within this year. (Mishell was a girl from Dobrich, I met her online, and we hit it off right away; being my soulmate at the time, she was all in the know of my personal developments.) My bet was that Nelly will fail. Initially Mishell totally agreed, but then she had to oppose, in order to make the bet possible .

I went to the date. At 4:15 pm, Nelly was already there. She had on this insanely tasteless outfit – black patent shoes (real ugly and particularly shiny ones; why on Earth would one be wearing those at all?), blue jeans, black cardigan… Somehow all the pieces really didn’t go together, and weren’t even nice by themselves too – the jeans were cheap and old, and the cardigan was BLACK. A black cardigan! Not a black leather jacket, not a black dress, nor even a nice hand knitted pastel-colored cardigan. A cardigan. And it was black.

Anyway, we met; we shook hands, exchanged a few meaningless comments and went to see the movie.

We went inside and watched in utter lamb silence.

Despite all the hype, it turned out to be one boring, annoying and stupid piece-of-shit movie.

Two hours later we walked out of the dark movie theater into the bright sunny day and headed towards the car. We walked for a while and pretended to have small talk. I believe, I was actually trying to convince Nelly to give her a ride home, and she was being theatrically stubborn about it. Eventually she agreed, of course.

We approached the Blue Bird from the right. For the first time in my life I came forward and opened the door for a girl, then waited for her to settle in. Nelly thanked me, delightedly surprised.

I shut the door, walked around the back of the car and as I was at the trunk I saw Nelly stretching over and unlocking the other door for me. I got in and without any notice grabbed the girl and started kissing her. She responded eagerly.

Here’s how we got back together again.

18.

Our reincarnated relationship was magnificent. Or at least it was magnificent during the first few days.

After the doctors could not cure my tracheitis, sinusitis, laryngitis, (and whatever pulmonary diseases a person can think of) for two and a half months, and they had already stuffed me with all kinds of chemistry, finally I found a lady doctor who, besides being nice and pretty, really knew what she was doing. She examined me, checked my blood work, looked at me fastidiously and stated:

“Unless you start sleeping and eating regularly, nothing will help you. Your body needs rhythm and regimen.”

And she was right – because of all that bullshit around Nelly I had no appetite whatsoever, and couldn’t sleep more that 5 hours in a row – and that’s 5 hours during the day, not like regular people, in the night. So, after some thought she prescribed me Redadorm – the sleeping pill of Death, which also turned out to be a real drug.

Then came the evening when I was supposed to start the treatment – at 8 PM I was to take a pill, have dinner and be in bed by 8:30, and go to my special place, where palm trees grow and the sun always shines…

But here’s what really happened: I had a date with Nelly during the day and that same evening she came over.

We went home and I, being the good kid that I am, took my pill, we had dinner and after that situated ourselves on the bed.

“I’m gonna go,” she said at some point, while lying next to me. “You need to sleep.”

“Stay,” I replied. I had a silly, happy smile all over on my face – the pill was already working, but I was still awake, and suddenly I was high, for the first time in my life. All troubles had vanished from my mind, my will was numb, and I just enjoyed lying so carelessly, smiling, having Nelly leaning over me and talking, her hair tickling my cheeks.

“You said yourself that I have to let you sleep.”

“Screw it,” I answered. “I’ll start going to bed on time tomorrow.”

The girl cuddled next to me and we went on talking. We were both happy to just be together again.

Time rolled on, it was already about 10 pm; we were talking and kissing, so one thing led to another and we ended up having a real nice fuck – like people who hadn’t had any in over a month. I didn’t care about bacterial infections, actually I didn’t care about anything – my intoxicated conscious had melted down completely.

It is needed to be noted what a brilliant comment Nelly made, after I came:

“Do you know that your cum was bitter?”

“Bitter??”

“Yes”

“Why, how does it usually taste?”

“Salty. Now it was bitter.”

Well, how do I explain to her how much she had bittered up my life…

That was the last time that we slept together. After that I loosened up, stopped behaving like a big shot and she started getting on my nerves right away. Naturally, I was really frustrated with this clear-cut tendency – when you play it rude and tough, you get this little treasure – a sweetheart, a real noble princess. But as soon as you go into Niceguy – a cobra slithers out of the kitten skin and starts hissing and spraying venom.

Things didn’t go smoothly – we were in love really bad, but despite that we were constantly fighting. The tension was building up and became unbearable at some points. And Nelly was lying to me – while she was home with her mom in Turnovo, Dick had already started living at their place in Sofia all the time; and Nelly claimed that he was in with her Turnovo too.

19.

Session Start: Mon May 01 23:39:55 2000

[23:46] <Rogger Dojh> so all the parasites cleared from your place?

[23:47] <Nelly> parasites

[23:48] <Nelly> my sister left

[23:48] <Nelly> yes

[23:48] <Rogger Dojh> no

[23:48] <Rogger Dojh> I mean from your Sofia place

[23:48] <Rogger Dojh> I can see your sister is online from Sofia :)

[23:49] <Rogger Dojh> come on, tell me what happened?

[23:49] <Nelly> well, I guess Dick has gone home for Easter

[23:50] <Rogger Dojh> so, he’s coming back to Sofia after that?????

[23:50] <Nelly> I guess

[23:50] <Rogger Dojh> and what’s next?

[23:50] <Rogger Dojh> I thought you had managed to get rid of him

[23:50] <Rogger Dojh> :(

[23:51] <Nelly> I’m sorry

[23:52] <Rogger Dojh> ??

[23:53] <Nelly> that I disappointed you

[23:53] <Rogger Dojh> so what are we going to do?

[23:54] <Nelly> will you wait for me tomorrow?

[23:54] <Rogger Dojh> where will we go after that?

[23:54] <Nelly> somewhere

[23:54] <Rogger Dojh> where’s that somewhere?

[23:54] <Rogger Dojh> look, tell me what you have decided

[23:55] <Nelly> wherever you say

[23:55] <Rogger Dojh> with me?

[23:55] <Rogger Dojh> to my place?????????

[23:56] <Nelly> I will be in big trouble if I do that

[23:56] <Rogger Dojh> screw it, tell me what you are going to do

[23:57] <Rogger Dojh> are you with me, or with everyone that doesn’t want us to be together?

(Looking back – that was actually everyone that knew us – my friends couldn’t bear to look at Nelly, hers couldn’t stand me, parents and relatives were strictly against the relationship… and on top of everything Dick was pouring out negative mana too…)

[23:57] <Nelly> with you

[23:57] <Rogger Dojh> well then come with me

[23:57] <Nelly> Dick is not coming home tomorrow

[23:58] <Rogger Dojh> alright, do whatever you want

(I was already utterly frustrated with the total passiveness of that girl. She was really good at giving promises and doing nothing about. And I was subconsciously challenging her to bring me to such rage, so I would achieve the craved motivation to finally dump her.)

[23:58] <Rogger Dojh> I don’t care when he is coming back

[23:58] <Rogger Dojh> he can go fuck himself

[23:58] <Nelly> ?????????????????

[23:58] <Rogger Dojh> gotta go

[23:58] <Nelly> alright

[23:58] <Nelly> wait

[23:58] <Nelly> please

[23:59] <Rogger Dojh> what

[23:59] <Rogger Dojh> you don’t know what you want

[23:59] <Rogger Dojh> am I supposed to know

[23:59] <Rogger Dojh> you always have some problems with us being together

[23:59] <Rogger Dojh> why don’t you just tell me to go to hell

[23:59] <Rogger Dojh> and there won’t be any more problems

(…I needed just a little bit more… to grow up and willingly get out of that stupid nightmare.)

20.

Day last.

In the late afternoon Nelly and Fuzzy came to visit me at my office at Gamers’ Workshop.

I was pissed at Nelly and saw them in coldly. I worked until I had finished my tasks and let them browse some magazines. It was a ridiculous situation, awkward and melancholic. An hour passed and they got fed up.

“We’re going,” Nelly said.

“Alright,” I replied.

I saw them to the door.

“Don’t I get a hug?” Nelly asked.

“No,” I answered.

She looked at me with the traditional soapy sharp expression. She stalled for a second and then left.

I sat at the PC five more minutes and suddenly something came over me. I decided that I should definitely spend the night with Nelly, jumped out of the office, hopped into the Blue Bird and started circling round the neighborhood. I was hoping to come across them while they were walking to a bus stop.

I didn’t see them anywhere and headed for Mladost 3 – I was sure that at least there I will find Nelly. At the Eagle Bridge bus stop I slowed down a bit and woe and behold – Fuzzy is standing there alone. I pulled over right away.

“Hey!” I said through the open window.

“Hi,” she answered, somewhat surprised, somewhat bored. I too was overdoing it with the impulsive bullshit and she could see it very well. “She just got onto the bus and headed home,” she added, foreseeing my question.

“Thanks,” I said. I floored the accelerator and rushed to Mladost. I was certainly going to overtake the public transport.

In the evening twilight I parked in front of the building, right across from Nelly’s doorway. I leaned back and waited.

Fifteen minutes later I saw a familiar silhouette in the rear mirror. The girl spotted the Blue Bird from afar and came straight to me. She got in.

“Hi! What are you doing here?” she inquired.

“I’m waiting,” I answered wisely.

“I thought you didn’t want to see me.”

“That’s not quite true. I really, really want to see you. Actually I have an idea – let’s spend the night together.”

“I can’t, honey,” she said.

I had completely gone mad. To not have it my way was not an option. I had decided that no matter what everyone else does, things will be as I want them to be and I wasn’t sparing means and nerves to achieve my goal.

“Why? Is Dick waiting for you?”

“No, my sister is upstairs. She’ll kill me, if I go out now.”

“I don’t give a crap about your sister.” Thoughts were rushing through my brain. “Look, either we spend the night together, or we break up.”

“Now you’re talking crap.”

“It’s not crap. We must be together tonight.”

“Dojh, you know we can’t have sex. I’m having problems again.”

“I didn’t mean sex. I don’t care where we’re gonna go. We can go to a club, or go visit Fuzzy, I just don’t care, as long as we’re together.”

“I can’t honey. You must understand.”

“I am being dead serious when I tell you that we either spend the night together, or we break up.”

Nelly gave me a long stare and that obviously convinced her that she can’t make me change my mind.

“Alright. But first I need to go to the bathroom, brush my teeth and change.”

“Ok,” I agreed to compromise.

She got out of the car and disappeared into the doorway.

Five minutes passed.

Ten.

After fifteen minutes I started to get nervous. I turned my entire attention towards the door and witnessed an interesting scene.

At the back of the hallway, right opposite the front door, there was a pointless, completely unnecessary niche in the wall. Inside the niche, even more ridiculously, was a glass door, inserted diagonally. The only use for the whole creation was that everyone facing the entrance could see the elevator, reflected in the weird glass door.

The elevator came down. The elevator door opened a bit and then shut abruptly. That happened a couple of times, after which the elevator went back to the N-th floor without anybody getting out.

“Hm,” I thought. “As if Dick is upstairs? Geez, what a lying little bitch…”

Several minutes later Nelly still hadn’t showed up. I got out of the car and went to the front door.

I no longer had a key. I had given it back to Nelly one or two days before. And since there was no way I could get in, I waited.

A minute later some neighbor came out of the entrance with his dog and opened the door for me. I got inside just in time to see the elevator come down, stop and get back up.

I waited for it to stop and pushed the button. I got off on Nelly’s floor and stood in front of the apartment.

I rang the bell.

I heard three shouts from inside:

“I don’t want him in my house!” Vanya shrieked.

“Let him come in!” Dick gave a war-cry.

“Dick, get away!” Nelly screamed.

In my mind I held my head in my hands. Dear Lord, what did I get into?

Nelly opened, squeezed out and pulled the door behind her.

“I can’t go out!” she said with a glassy look. A soapy look. A look that gave me the creeps.

“Come on, let’s get out of here,” I said.

The door opened again and Dick started making his way out to the stairs. Nelly pushed him back and went in after him. A second later she came back out with her purse on her shoulder.

“Let’s go,” she said.

We got into the elevator and set off.

After we got out of the cabin, it got back to the N-th floor, to pick up another stray passenger. Who could it be, I wonder?

“That’s Dick!” Nelly exclaimed snappily, so we waited for him at the front door.

Dick is walking down the stairs, shaking. He is looking at me frightfully; “Get lost,” he says, “Fuck off!” and keeps marching forward. I stand there and, as pissed as I am about the whole dykeness he has produced during the time I was dating Nelly, I watch him. I watch him and at the same time I wonder at the situation. I’m starting to get amused – everything is so absurd .

I brush off the ends of the white silk kerchief that I’ve tied on my shaven head with a cocky gesture and take a step forward. Dick stops in front of me and pushes me in the chest.

“Who the fuck do you think you are, huh?” I ask the existential question of all times.

Dicky stands there and doesn’t speak anymore, only his lips moving pitifully.

“Are you some big shot or something?” I continue the wholesome dialogue.

“Stop it!” Nelly screams and pushes in between us. My blood is boiling, and the thought of beating up Dicky fills me with tense and cheerful anticipation. But I’ve never fought in the street before and that’s why I keep it low. Nothing else is stopping me – even common sense, as Dick is in such bad shape that there’s no chance he can harm me in any way.

Covered behind Miss It’s-So-Nice-To-Be-With-Many-Guys, Dick begins to blurt things out again.

“I’m gonna break your teeth, asshole” I say. Dick starts reaching over Nelly to me.

“I’ve had it with you two!” Nelly announces hysterically and heads off. “I’m outta here! Do whatever you want, I don’t care!”

And there he is – Dick is right in front of me and nothing stands in between us now. I give him a greasy smile and get a hold of his lapel. If I’m not mistaken, the technique I take him down with is Tae-Otushi. I let him fall carefully so that he doesn’t break his cheesy neck, or some cheesy bone. I lie across him on the ground and start strangling him. Dick is now shaking uncontrollably – with rage, adrenaline and who knows what else.

I smile nastily into his face and tighten the strangling hold down. Dicky starts flapping convulsively.

21.

Nelly dashed into the entrance and started screaming:

“STOP IT THIS INSTANT! WHAT WOULD THE NEIGHBORS THINK IF THEY SAW YOU!!!”

That line finished me off. The neighbors! Dear Lord, why didn’t I think of them earlier?

I got up with a bored air, walked past Nelly and headed for my car. At that point Nelly was helping Dick get up.

I started the engine and reared. Nelly rushed out into the parking lot and shouted something. I stopped and opened the door. While [D20] she was getting into the car, Dick appeared into the street and started broadcasting verbal messages.

Nelly froze up at the open door. Then she backed off and headed back to Dick.

I pulled the door and reared up. Nelly stopped halfway and turned to me.

“No!” I continued an insane inner argument. “There is no way I’m leaving just like that, not after all this BS! She’s coming with me, even if it means Andromeda Shun has to die!”

So I stopped. Nelly stood and stared. I reared up a couple of meters. Nelly ran towards the car. This time I made her run a bit more so that I can get her further away from Dicky; and he was standing there like a peed-over pelargonium.

Nelly finally deigned to get into the car entirely and shut the door behind.

“Where to?” I asked and started maneuvering to get out onto the boulevard.

“I can’t!” she said all of a sudden, her stare glazed. I peered at her and shivered – her face had changed, her features rearranged, her lips – thin and white; a sinister transformation. Not that there was any real physical metamorphosis – it was just that a muscle or two strained, another one – wrongly loose… The hysterical expression of the gynecological moments had appeared on her face.

“I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.” she repeated erratically.

‘You can’t what?’ I inquired.

“I can’t, I can’t, I can’t…” Nelly wailed. She had clenched her hands in her lap, doubled up and shaking all over.

Now I was totally freaked.

“What’s wrong? “ I asked.

“I can’t I can’t I can’t.” she replied. She was staring unseeingly somewhere in the space in front of her.

I stopped maneuvering and hugged the crazed thing on the seat next to me. She was so tense, like I was trying to hug a vibrating piece of rock.

“Calm down,” I started with a quiet and serious voice. “It’s ok, it’s alright, calm down. Relax, nothing really happened. Calm down, now.”

Stimulated by the warm tone and the soft muttering, Nelly started coming to senses. She loosened up a bit and I started the car in the fallen silence.

“I can’t!” came out of her mouth the moment she saw the apartment building recede. “I can’t I can’t I can’t!”

I pulled over, pulled up in one of the neighboring parking lots, stopped and I turned the engine off.

“We’re not going anywhere,” I said. “Don’t worry. Just relax. We’re not going anywhere.”

And this therapy of relaxing gibberish seemed to work again.

22.

Half an hour later.

I had lain across my seat, my head in Nelly’s lap, her hands stroking me. We were talking quietly.

“I love you!” she whispered. “I want to be able to swallow you and carry you with me everywhere!”

I probably smiled. For the first time anybody had said something like that to me. Not that I insisted on being swallowed (at least not literally), but it sounded sweet and touching.

Her hands went on caressing me. She kept talking, but now she changed the subject abruptly.

“Denny,” that stupid nickname again! “You are sick. I’m serious, you need to see a shrink.”

This time I kept silent. I was completely dazed and confused.

“I beg your pardon?” I said finally.

“You’re sick. You need to go see a doctor!”

“How on Earth did you come up with this?” I still couldn’t believe my ears. Nelly in fact seemed to be talking seriously.

“You’re acting weird,” she said.

“I am the one who’s acting weird?” I exclaimed in complete astonishment. “Me? So you find it strange me being completely pissed with you sucking Dick while dating… me?”

Nelly smiled.

“You should know he’s very aesthetically gifted in that department,” she answered with a naughty voice.

Apparently she was trying to share that she liked his cock.

I sat up in my seat. I looked at Nelly, no more questions asked. My desire to have my way and spend the night with that abomination in a woman’s body evaporated.

“Leave, if you please,” I said.

She threw herself at me, trying to hug me. I pushed her away, reached over and opened the door at her side.

“Goodbye.”

She pulled the door back and shut it.

“No,” she said.

“Look, we’re through. I don’t want anything to do with you. Go away.”

She glazed her stare. Her cheeks tightened and her lips started trembling like the wings of a seriously disturbed butterfly. Then a soft whisper slipped out with her breath: “I can’t”.

My brain said: “Arghhhh!”

“Tell me we won’t split up,” uttered Nelly, fallen into one of her senseless demented psychotic states of idiotic soapiness.

“On the contrary,” I stated. “Now, please, be so nice to leave immediately.”

“No!” the girl started mumbling. “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.”

I got out of the car. Nelly also got out. I got back in but before I managed to lock the door on her side she sneaked in next to me. The cheap trick did not fly.

“Go!” I insisted. Nelly spread limbs towards me. I pushed them aside, disgusted. “Stop it!” I added.

“I won’t go!”

Her eyes were round with thespian feelings.

I sat and hectically wondered what to do. Finally I figured it out.

“I’m sorry. I spoke thoughtlessly. The thing about splitting up was complete nonsense.”

Nelly threw herself on my neck. I endured that outburst and compelled myself to continue some kind of conversation. In about 10 minutes Nelly happily declared that she’s going home, because her sister is waiting for her. We separated calmly, and I furiously jumped on the accelerator, revved up the engine and drove off, heading far, far, far away, to my dear own nest and the normal human relations.

23.

The day after. 8:30 in the morning.

The phone next to my bed rang, as I was dreaming my seventh dream. It rang and it rang and it rang and I finally picked it up.

“Hey Danny!” Nelly’s voice sang cheerfully into the earpiece. “How are you? What are we going to do today?”

Her good mood felt to me like a piece of garlic, applied rectally. All night long I had been twisting and turning in bed, tormented by the previous evening and by the fact that I obviously had no other choice but to break up with the girl I was in love with. I had nightmares, relived a bunch of terrible emotions… for myself I had put an end to our relationship.

“We’re not doing anything today,” I replied in such a hostile tone, that the silence which took over the line was almost hissing with tension. Or had the guys from the telephone company messed up the wires again?

“Why?” Nelly finally said.

“I told you yesterday – we’re through.”

“But then you said you didn’t mean it?!?”

“I lied. I told you that so that you would leave. That was the only way I’d get you out of my car.”

More silence.

“I’m coming over,” Nelly said and hung up.

I sighed heavily, kissed goodbye the idea of another hour of sleep and started moving around the house – to wash up, shave, and so on.

In less than 20 minutes the doorbell rang. It was Nelly.

I opened.

She is standing there and glaring at me with a staring look and puckered lips. Her femme-fatale demeanor is making me sick.

“What’s the matter?” I ask.

“Can I come in?” she replies.

I let her in. I’m wearing just pants and a vest. She is standing in the hallway, watching me. I’m heading for the bathroom to go on with my morning rituals, but she stops me and tries to embrace me. I pull away, horrified with the prospect, and Nelly is almost about to burst into tears.

“Look,” I say, “go home. I don’t want to deal with you anymore.”

“I’m not leaving!” Her voice is firm. But I’ve already had it.

In search for a way out I recollect an episode, where I’m in my boxers, going to the bathroom at home during the night, while Nelly is lying, covered in my bed. “Where are you going?” she asks. “To the bathroom,” I answer. “You can’t get out like this!” Nelly retorts and sits up in the bed, panicked. “Like how?” I inquire. “In your underwear! God knows what your parents would think we’re doing?!?” “And what are we doing, you reckon?” I am trying to be logical. “YOU ARE NOT GOING OUT LIKE THAT!” Nelly bets on the much more effective command than on the questionable outcome from the argument. I make one more step toward the door and all of a sudden Nelly is already in the corner of the room, trying to hide behind the bed.

I also recall that the reason for the girl’s strange behavior is her fear of my mother.

Nelly is trying to hug me again and brings me back into the present. This motivates me to act quickly.

“Mom!” I call from the hallway.

Nelly is pissed. I got her there – she really has to leave. Her soapy inclinations do not offer a soapy exit from the situation.

“What?” my mom calls back from the balcony.

“Come here for a sec!” I shout.

Nelly’s nostrils widen with resentment.

“Goodbye,” she says sharply, opens the front door, steps out and after giving me a finishing hateful look, disappears from my life forever (oops, correction, we are going to have one more final encounter) – with a bang.

===== FOLLOWING IS TEXT, EDITED ONLY BY DANIEL =====

24.

My mom got into the hallway.

“What’s going on?” she asked.

“Oh, nothing. Well, you know how Nelly is afraid of you. I just wanted to get her lost.”

My mom looked around puzzled and after she didn’t find Nelly anywhere she obviously decided her mission was accomplished and went back to her work on the balcony.

25.

A few weeks passed. I gradually started pulling myself together. As it usually happened in such moments  I turned to Mimi for moral support and we spent a lot of time, telling each others stories. She has broken up with the twin Ivo at about the same time so she had piled up quite a lot of soapiness as well.

One cold evening Mimi called me about some party at a friend of hers in Liulin. We agreed to meet with her and Tedi (a classmate of hers from high school) with the Blue Bird on Eagles’ Bridge at the bus stop with the popcorn. There often were cabs parked on the sidewalk so I decided I could probably да се намърдам.

In order to make a right at Eagle’s Bridge and get on the sidewalk right away, I, very non-typically, went by the corner of the University and went down towards Mladost. The lights on Eagles’ Bridge went red and I stopped in the rightmost lane. Casually I moved my look to the right and – woe and behold – Nelly is sitting on some damn bench with some guy and is staring at me.

The girl jumped up right away and came to my car. She tried to open the door on her side but she couldn’t – it was locked. I just looked at her continuously and when the green light came, I started off, turned and right after that pulled over and parked.

Obviously at that moment Nelly decided that I’m stopping there because of her and ran towards me. This time she opened the door on my side (ooh, smart doggie, how quickly it learns, woof, say wooooof!).

“Hi,” she said instead.

I kept silent. What was the point in talking?

“Are you going to come home and sleep over tonight?” the little Bitch in White threw her incredible proposition right in the air. For a second I startled but then remembered that about a week before Nelly had found me in IRC and had whined about the same thing – there wasn’t going to be anyone home, her sister was in the 6th bear’s ass, Dick had gone into the ass of the Dingo dog, basically everyone had hid anally, and she was terribly scared to stay alone at the her place.

“No,” I answered firmly.

“You are the only one that I can count on! My sister and Fuzzy are in Turnovo, Kameliya went to a trip with her boyfriend and I can’t stay alone at home!”

“Call Dick.”

“He’s in Turnovo too.”

“I’m busy. I can’t.”

The Bitch in white was still hanging above the door. I was wearing a short-sleeved thin shirt and outside had suddenly gone awfully cold.

“Close the door, if you please.”

Nelly’s stare glazed. You could interpolate the rest already – the lips, the tragic expression, the quivering nostrils, and so on. I се изприщих with horror – what had I done to deserve this belated encounter! What did I do to sin so, oh, dear Lord, thou art in Heaven?!

I got out of the car, since Nelly refused to get lost. As soon as she saw me getting out she started stretching out her limbs towards me. I frantically pulled away and using the calmest tone I could possibly mobilize, I said:

“Our relationship is over. There can be nothing between us anymore. If you please, leave me alone. I’m cold staying out and I want to get into the car and shut all doors close.”

The Bitch in White pointed her muzzle a bit more. Tears budded on her little eyes.

Salvation came down in the form of Tedi. She pranced over, happy and cheerful as usual, and while Nelly was watching tensely, I got into the Blue Bird, unlocked the other door and let Tedi in. She chirped something cheerful as a greeting and I felt like hugging and kissing her all over.

Nelly threw me a long, incinerating stare, said “Goodbye” and slammed the door.

“Did I mess something up?” Tedi said worriedly.

“Oh God, no! You just saved my life!’ I replied. Tedi never even knew the deep feeling I implied into those words.

—————————————————

Appendix:

(Part of the erotic play of brain horror “The Tiny Bitch in White meets The Evil Tall One”)

Session Start: Tue Jan 20 23:34:39 2000

[03:45] <Nelly> now I am kissing you slowly and softly on the lips

[03:46] <Nelly> and the nose

[03:47] <Nelly> I want to slide my tongue along your neck… and ear veeeery slowly

[03:48] <Nelly> and then kiss your right arm all the way to the fingers

[03:49] <Nelly> and kiss each finger veeeeeeeeeeeery slowly

[03:49] <Nelly> I want you to feel good

[03:51] <Nelly> and I want to caress you

[03:51] <Nelly> everywhere

[03:51] <Nelly> and I want you to wear that shirt so that I can unbutton it and take it off you

[03:52] <Nelly> and to kiss you till you forget to speak

[03:55] <Nelly> that will happen as soon as I get home

[03:55] <Nelly> I promise you

[03:56] <Nelly> more like I promise myself

[02:19] <Nelly> honey, about Tuesday …

[02:19] <Nelly> if I stay at your place

[02:19] <Nelly> i.e. if I can come

[02:19] <Rogger Dojh> yeah?

[02:20] <Nelly> will you buy condoms?

[02:20] <Rogger Dojh> yeaah

[02:20] <Rogger Dojh> but the ‘if’ condition sounds bad to me

[02:21] <Nelly> well, I don’t know what will happen till Tuesday

[02:21] <Rogger Dojh> what’s supposed to happen?

[02:22] <Nelly> I don’t know, honey

[02:22] <Rogger Dojh> brb

[02:23] <Nelly> that idiot Dick doesn’t want to come on Tuesday

[02:23] <Nelly> damn moron

[02:24] <Rogger Dojh> ??

[02:24] <Nelly> he was supposed to come back to Turnovo on Tuesday

[02:25] <Rogger Dojh> well if you don’t come because of him

[02:25] <Rogger Dojh> …

[02:25] <Nelly> and what am I supposed to do?

[02:25] <Rogger Dojh> whatever you want

[02:25] <Nelly> I will shoot him

[02:26] <Nelly> bad thing is I don’t feel anything for him anymore

[02:26] <Nelly> that is very sad

[02:27] <Nelly> you there?

[02:27] <Rogger Dojh> yeah

[02:28] <Nelly> well, say something

[02:28] <Rogger Dojh> something

[02:28] <Nelly> I am feeling worse than you are

[02:28] <Nelly> believe me

(Here the audience starts laughing so hard that the actors pause the play for a moment and wait for the noise to die down; but even after that there is the occasional smothered giggle: “That Nelly,” two people on the second row whisper, bowing their heads to one another, “She really can make people laugh!”)

[02:28] <Rogger Dojh> there’s nothing to talk about

[02:29] <Nelly> I want to talk

[02:30] <Rogger Dojh> I hope you don’t expect of me to feel sad that you don’t feel anything for him anymore and despite that can ruin a night we have been expecting for one week?

(Here the audience says: “Waaah! A whole week!!!” The two people from the second row exchange comments: “That Roger guy, he’s something, right…”)

[02:30] <Rogger Dojh> i.e.

[02:31] <Rogger Dojh> saddened by the first only

[02:31] <Rogger Dojh> the second one really depresses me

[02:31] <Nelly> you know, this is terribly sad

[02:31] <Nelly> I would like to talk about it when we see each other

[02:31] <Nelly> what happens to the feelings

[02:31] <Nelly> why do they die?

[02:31] <Rogger Dojh> what a wonderful subject to discuss

[02:32] <Nelly> it’s not funny

[02:32] <Nelly> and don’t make fun of this

[02:32] <Rogger Dojh> I couldn’t laugh even if a whole circus enters the room…

Session Ends Successfully

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